Think Twice
by LobbyLane
Summary: This takes palce some years after the Play/Movie... Leo lives on his own and Waitress Rosie is convinced to find out, what had happened in his past... Producers Slash! Leo/Max... The Story is like...uh... 8 years old.. changed a few things, but still like it ;) I don't own the song-lyrics used.
1. Walking

_"Don't think I can't feel that there's something wrong  
You've been the sweetest part of my life so long  
I look in your eyes, there's a distant light  
And you and I know there'll be a storm tonight  
This is getting serious  
Are you thinking 'bout you or us"_

"I start to understand why this is a 24-hour-restaurant" one of the men repeated now even louder. The third today, who've had complaints about something. Usually, it would be the long_ 'waiting-term'_ time of the year, but the last three months had been busy. A lot of meetings were held up in this little restaurant (yes, it became quite famous somehow) and although everything was simple and mostly quick to accomplish, it took its time now and then, especially on a night like this, with a full house.

One of the waitresses was tired of telling them to be more patient, and finally managed to turn the TV set, right above the bar, a little louder to attract their attention for at least another thirty minutes.

_'A great night for passionate theater supporters and long-term fans. A new play moves around like a wild twister and surely carries away everything on its way. The critics call it "Marvelous" and "Amazingly emotional. A must-see show, unexpected as ever and certainly a whole different path, this production team created". This show already is rated as the biggest knock-out in years. We have the rare opportunity to speak to the Producer of this show tonight, Max Bialystock…"_

"Holy Christ, they talk about that guy often lately" said a small brunette waitress, while leaning on the transfer hatch to the kitchen.

"I mean he surely makes a million bucks per day or something, y'know, being that famous'n all."

A young man traversed the smallish door next to the hatch that instance and moved forcefully towards the TV set, changing the channel as quickly as he could.

"Yeah, whatever" he answered. "Rosie, why don't you start cleaning your plates and stuff before you go home?" He smiled at her and moved towards the kitchen again. Rosie followed him with her eyes until she went after him.

"Take the evening off" she said, stopping him. "Let's walk home together then."

"What?" the man answered. "I can't take an evening off when there're so many guests around here. I mean, I am one of the cooks and, and…"

Rosie could see him pocketing his hands quickly. She knew he was searching for that idiotic blue blanket of his again. She'd seen him doing this a lot of times now. Sometimes, he simply need to feel it, as if to make sure it's still there. This little thing seemed to give him some sort of security. She didn't know why but she could imagine it had something to do with his past, of which she knew very little. All she knew was that he came into this restaurant nearly three years ago and asked for a job, which he got.

"Hey Joe" she suddenly screamed into the kitchen. This sudden increase of sound intensity made the brown-haired guy jump. He still didn't get over loud noises or sudden movements.

"Yeah?" a dark voice recalled from behind an oven.

"Leo's stressed and just broke a plate" she said.

"What?" the voice yelled out of the kitchen.

"Rosie, are you nuts?" Leo whispered to her with panic written all over his face. "Why are you telling this?"

"He's clearly overworked…Mind if I just bring him home just for this one night?" Rosie continued.

"ROSIE!" Panic laid in his voice now.

A big man came close to hatch now and looked from high above down at Leo and Rosie. He had a grim face all the time but usually would turn out to be very understanding and careful, when it came to interacting with his employees.

"Broke a plate, eh?" Every time he was angry his Canadian accent came out again, though he lived in Jersey City for ages now. "You don' look overworked a'all, Bloom."

He looked at Leo closely and the young man could feel the sweat on his forehead. Being close to people still was a problem he couldn't arrange with.

"Well, can' afford any more of them broken plates" he said, though he scanned the ground carefully and indeed seemed to wonder why no shards were anywhere to be seen on the ground. "Jus' take yer evening off Bloom and go home. A lil' rest is never bad." Thus he walked back into his kitchen and vanished behind a cloud of steam.

Leo stood there, still staring at the hatch where the huge man stood seconds ago; being petrified.

Rosie grinned. She patted him on the shoulder.

"See? A little faith in kindness sometimes is useful" she said. "Shall we?"

Leo just nodded, hung up his apron and so did Rosie. She took his arm and led him outside, while Leo still looked pale and a little confused.

* * *

The air was clear but already very cold in this October-night. Stars stood all over the sky. It was a prejudice that one couldn't see them in the city due to the many lights. They were clear to see. The leaf-less trees stood in the scenery; like masts of ghost ships in the pale moonlight.

Rosie and Leo walked silently next to each other, with their faces pointing to the ground.

"Uh" Rosie shivered. "It's getting cold."

Leo didn't respond. She looked over at him and bit her lips. There must be some way to cheer this guy up.

"You know, one day I will have worked so hard" she started anew. "I will be able to afford to live somewhere else. Somewhere warm."

Leo looked at her and started to lift his mouth to a cheap smile.

"Like where?" he asked.

"I dunno…Somewhere cool. Like Rio" she giggled.

Leo's face darkened suddenly and he turned away again and sighed. He seemed to slip deeper into his scarf and silently kept on walking again.

"What is it?" Rosie asked insecure. "Did I upset you? I am sorry if so. I mean, one day you surely will have the chance to get outta here too. To live a better life. Being famous and all."

"It's not that" Leo stopped and looked up to the sky. "It's not that at all."

Rosie looked up as well, then to the taller man with the hazel eyes and up again.

"Well" she started happily again. "What is it then? You never told me anything about yourself since we work together. I consider us as friends by now and just need to ask this."

Leo looked at her quickly and grew a little pale again.

"Friends?" he asked.

"Yeah, friends" she laughed. "You know, like sharing everything and trusting each other and being there for the problems of your opposite. I mean you've been there for me when I split from my boy-friend two months ago and I am very thankful for that. But with seeing something's depressing you, I just want to repay you somehow."

Leo started to move again, this time a lot faster than before. He didn't look around anymore, just walked. Rosie was so taken aback, it took her some time to realize Leo was gone. Finally, she ran after him.

"What is this about?" she asked, while trying to keep up with him. Already she was breathing hard.

"Please, go home now Rosie" was the answer she got.

"Well" she had troubles to speak. "I am. I live in the flat next to you, remember?"

She ran in front of him to stop him from walking any faster.

"Now, stop. Tell me, what this all is about or I will never speak to you again."

Leo stopped and looked at her a little angry.

"Alright, what exactly do you wanna know?" he finally asked and exhaled heavily.

"Why do you act like this for example? Or why do you carry around this odd blanket-thing? Yeah…don't look at me like that, I've seen you touching it a hundred times over. Or why the hell do you always change the TV-channel when this man is on air…this Max…..whatever his name was?" it poured out of her like a waterfall.

"Bialystock."

"Excuse me?"

"His name is Bialystock" Leo sighed again.

"Yeah, well…why this odd behavior all the time…wait a minute" she suddenly gave him aa awkward look. "How come you can remember that name? I mean no normal person can memorize it, unless….oh my God!"

Leo's eyes widened. Did she figure it out now?

"You're a fan, aren't you?" she smiled. "How else could it be? And you turn away every time because you don't want anyone to notice, right? Well, this musn't be embarrassing for you."

Leo shook his head. "A fan?" he asked and looked at her in disbelief.

"Are you not?" she asked.

"No" he puzzled a moment how to come out of this. "No, certainly not."

He passed her and continued his way home, just not as fast as he did some minutes ago. Rosie started to walk next to him again.

"What then?" she dared to ask again some minutes later. "I mean this name obviously upsets you somehow."

No response.

Rosie and Leo continued walking down the dark streets for a long time without saying a word. Leo stared at the ground and was deeply lost in his thoughts while Rosie tried to figure out what his face could tell her.

"You know him, right?" it burst out of her.

"Well, we're home" Leo said, searching for his keys. Him not paying attention or at least trying to, drove Rosie nuts. If she asked someone a question she wanted to get an answer. At least in some way. But with this guy, who was a little older than herself, ignoring her totally every time she was close to something, wasn't the way she expected this conversation to end.

"So" Leo started. "Good night!" He even forced himself to a smile.

"What?" she screamed. "No, wait! You can't go now. I won't let you go until you've answered this one question."

Leo, already on his door, turned once more. "That is?"

"What's with you and that TV guy?"

Leo looked down his doorknob. His silver keys were ready to be turned around, giving way to his little apartment. His own world. He lived here for three years now, far away from the trouble of New York and away from the people he didn't want to meet again in his life.

"I did know him" Leo answered.

Rosie seemed to be a little shocked by guessing so well. She stood there and looked simply idiotic, her eyes wide and her mouth open.

"You what?" she asked again, before catching herself. "You knew him? How's that possible?"

Leo was stressed and kind of lost interest in this conversation. He really didn't want to talk about that and really started to get annoyed by this girl, who was the only real person, he knew in New Jersey who was relatively kind to him.

"I did work for him" he simply said and entered his flat.

"Good night" he said once more.

"Please, tell me more" Rosie said and held her hand between frame and door to hold him back from closing it too quickly.

Leo sighed again. "Why are you so interested in this?"

"I just wanna understand you better" she answered.

The young man could hear in her voice she really meant what she said. So, he nodded.

"Tomorrow is Saturday. Come here for lunch. I'll tell you what you want to know, alright?"

Then, he finally was able to close the door. When he heard Rosie's door closing too, he moved into his living room and sat down on his couch, holding his head in his hands.

"How the hell could this happen?" he thought. "I never wanted to think of all this again and now this."

* * *

_~to be continued~_


	2. Remembering

"_It's quiet now  
And what it brings  
Is everything  
Comes calling back  
A brilliant night  
I'm still awake"_

The night seemed surely too long. Okay, it wasn't longer than others and nothing ever lasted forever. This much Leo knew for certain, but he couldn't sleep at all. He walked around in his three-room apartment, puzzling and thinking throughout the darkness. One look at the watch; 4 am. Luckily it was the weekend he had taken off weeks before. He surely wouldn't have any motivation to go to work today. And then, this thing with Rosie. She would come over today, which was a problem to him indeed. How on earth should he explain to her what had happened? Why must he even refresh this old topic? Didn't he swear never to think about this again? What now?

Leo lay in his bed, still awake, and starred at the ceiling. He had been abandoning these thoughts long ago. The moment he stepped out of New York to be correct.

"I didn't come too far" he thought, but still his past never caught up with him. Until that night, three or four days ago, when suddenly they would broadcast all kind of interviews and excerpts from this new musical on TV. He suddenly remembered everything, though he longed to forget it so badly.

Images flashed before his eyes, as if they were really there and he just couldn't help it. A broken window; how the sunset reflected in the shattered pieces on the ground; the skyline of Manhattan from outside the city; himself standing outside in the rain, feeling terribly guilty and his first night in this flat, tossing in bed, tortured by nightmares.

Leo closed his eyes tightly. He put his hand on his face and tried to forget.

"This never happened" he kept telling himself.

All because of this damn new play which would open soon. _"Think Twice"_ it was called. Leo didn't even know what it was about and also he didn't care. All he knew was, it caused all this.

"Maybe it wasn't too wise not to move a little further away" he thought.

* * *

"_Kiss today goodbye,  
The sweetness and the sorrow.  
Wish me luck, the same to you.  
But I can't regret  
What I did for love, what I did for love.  
Look my eyes are dry.  
The gift was ours to borrow.  
It's as if we always knew,  
And I won't forget what I did for love,  
What I did for love."_

A knock on the door. Leo woke up all of a sudden and couldn't remember why anyone would knock in the middle of the night…especially not on his door. He turned his head and looked at the time.

12:35 pm.

Heaven's! Did he sleep that long? Usually, he would wake at eight or nine in the morning. But this was unusual. He couldn't even remember falling asleep the last night.

The bell rang.

He jumped out of the bed, took his dressing gown and moved to the door. A look through the spy cleared everything: Rosie!

"Of course, she wanted to come here today" Leo bit his lips. How could he forget this?

He opened the door just to find a disconcerted Rosie staring at him.

"What did happen to you? You look awful" she said with her usual smile on her face. "Didn't you sleep the night?"

Leo shook his head. "Very little."

He made a little movement with his hand, leading her inside and she entered the flat smiling. After Rosie had settled down in the living room, Leo went to the kitchen.

"Coffee?" she heard him from out of there.

"Yes, thank you."

Rosie looked around. The living room wasn't as big as she had imagined. Only a couch, a small brown wooden table with some newspapers on it and a rather small window, giving a look on yet another house with a little glance on a dirty backyard.

She took one of the newspapers. Nothing. She'd hoped to see some hint on Leo's story; a little article or some memories he kept there, just to prove his story was true, but this were just papers of the last month.

"I brought you an article, you might find interesting" she yelled over to Leo.

He appeared in the door of the living-room, carrying two cups. After putting them on the table, he sat down next to Rosie.

"An article?" he asked quietly. He looked horrible indeed. Pale and unshaven and tired. Rosie could feel his tiredness somehow.

"Yeah, here" she handed him the magazine. Leo took it with one hand and just stared at the cover for a second, but putting it on the table as soon as he'd read the first lines.

"I don't wanna read this" he said.

_**'Max Bialystock speaks about his new musical'**_

"You should" Rosie said, but there was no way. Leo simply shook his head and took a little swallow of coffee.

"Erm..." she didn't really know how to begin this. "You said you know this guy?"

"Knew" Leo answered dryly. "I worked for him, as I told you yesterday."

Rosie waited some time before asking more. She thought that maybe Leo would start again, but there was no way he answered anything, except she'd asked him. What did he want to hide so badly?

"Worked? As what?"

"His accountant" Leo said.

"Accountant?"

"Yeah, I was an accountant" Now he smiled slightly, as if he'd remembered some better times.

"How did that made you work for this man?" She asked again.

"I did his books once and then…" Leo stopped, putting his hand on his head as if he had a headache and wanted it to stop.

"What then?" Rosie just didn't give up. She stared at him with all the attention she could offer. Leo turned his face in her direction and watched her for a moment from under his hand. Then he smiled again.

"You really wanna know this, don't you?"

Rosie nodded. She was eager to find out about Leo's past and his weird behavior, every time this Max Bialystock came to speech. And she knew she was close. He'd never let her come this far and she certainly wouldn't give up now.

Leo sighed and stroked through his brown hair. Then he grabbed his coffee and took another swallow.

"He begged me to help him with a ridiculous plan he once had and so I did" he answered. "And with that he became famous and I was sort of his partner from this moment on."

Rosie still gave a puzzled look. "Wait a minute" she said after a short while. "Wait. Wait. You mean…_'Bialystock and Bloom'_…that was you?"

Leo nodded. The girl next to him started to move on the couch. He could feel her excitement, even though he wasn't looking at her.

"Why on earth did you give that up?" she finally asked. "I mean, you must've had everything. And you gave that up, money, women, and a life to…to live here?" She pointed at the room.

Sure, this apartment was small and not really the kind of place someone wanted to stay above any other places, but Leo was glad he had a little world to himself now; especially after his memories came haunting him day after day for a while now.

"There's more in life than just being famous and having enough money to buy whatever you wish for."

"But if you can have anything…I…I simply can't imagine there is something you could've missed" Rosie replied.

"Believe me, there is" Leo said, suddenly turning his head towards her and looking straight into her eyes.

This sudden movement caused a slightly surprised jump from Rosie. She didn't dare to say anything for a couple of minutes and the silence that occurred was scary, nigh embarrassing.

_"I looked ahead_

_I'm sure I saw you there_

_You don't need me to tell you now_

_That nothing can compare"_

"Well" she said with a coarse voice after what seemed to be hours. "What exactly did you miss?"

Leo sighed again and stood up. He moved slowly toward the small window in the room. Staring into space, he answered softly: "To make you understand this, I'm afraid I'll have to tell you the whole story from the beginning."

Rosie nodded and even though Leo had his back turned on her, he knew she wanted to hear exactly that.

He took a deep breath and sat down again.

"Well, where to begin?" he muttered. Then he leaned back in a more relaxed position and started.

* * *

It was over three years ago. I worked with Max several years now and we were successful. Very successful. No show we laid our hands on, didn't turn out to be a hit. At that time, I personally thought it couldn't get any better. I remember we had this new thing planned. Something about a musical comedy version about some guy Max worked for years ago. I can't remember his name though, but it was interesting. Somehow new and a different direction than those we usually took. Not a satire or something like that, no it was a mixture between a drama and a comedy. We hadn't done anything like this before and so tried this. It was interesting.

To be more precise, we started rehearsals that day and everything went well. Max sat in the theatre, watching all this. With his hands on the table and a cup of black coffee in front of him, he lazily watched the first usually pathetic attempts to play single scenes of the show without looking at the script every two minutes. He'd always found this funny in some odd way. He couldn't even say why; I guess it was a little spark of Schadenfreude that lived inside of him. He would hold back in most situations for it kind of was inappropriate for a Producer to laugh about mistakes his actors did on stage, but I've heard him laughing about it more than once. Often, we would stand outside during the breaks and his eyes were filled with tears due to him laughing that much.

That morning wasn't different though. Roger DeBris, our director stood next to the actors on stage, shouting all kind of thing to them. He did his swishy hand movements all the time and acted like it was one day before Opening-night. But he always got hysterical and nervous when rehearsals started. Headaches and bad mood was the daily schedule back then.

I stood in a corner a little behind Max. I had walked around the whole morning to get some lists checked and the last contracts signed and slipped into the theatre quietly when I had finished. No one noticed me and those moments were precious. Never could I be more able to watch all of my team-mates in their reaction this privately. It amused me every time anew.

"Hey" I said and sat down next to Max. "How's it going?"

"Not too good, to be honest" he answered. He bend over to me and whispered: "Roger's in a very strange mood today, so don't say anything. He thinks the actors are more qualified to clean pig-pens than acting in a 'first class musical', as he puts it." The smile on his face couldn't be more precise.

"He's overacting again?"

"Of course" he giggled. "Did you expect anything else?"

"No, not really" I had to laugh too. We turned our heads to the stage again and continued watching all this. Roger screamed several times at someone or impended to leave this whole show, if they weren't going to give all this a little more effort; but no one actually listened to that any more, for he did this all the time.

Finally, he proclaimed a break, which was about time, since the actors lost interest and effort to do anything, being screamed at the whole time.

Roger and his assistant Carmen came to our table as soon as the last actor vanished outside.

"Unbelievable" he still was talking to Carmen, then turning to us. "Did you believe this? How on earth am I going to direct this to something proper, when you give me those amateurs to work with?"

Max folded some papers and put them away, not looking at Roger.

"Those are the best working on Broadway these days" he simply said.

Roger took a deep breath. "You must be kidding. I cannot…how would Mr Bloom here say it?...'function under these conditions. And I seriously..:"

"Hey" I interrupted him. "No need to impersonate me. By the way, I also think they're doing just fine. After all it's the first day, Roger."

"I…"he didn't seem to know what to say. To put it in one word he was disgusted. Sure thing, he would have gone on like this forever, if Carmen didn't step in now.

"Okay, Rog. I think you've made your opinion quite clear" he said in his casual tone, patted him on the shoulders and smiled as though Roger was in the best mood of all times.

"Alright, Darling. Maybe I'm just a little stressed lately" Roger answered, putting his hand on Carmen's. It was amazing. Only Carmen could do something like that. Even when Roger was too angry or totally depressed somehow, this younger man always found a way to make him smile again. I can't explain what he did, but it was wicked to watch this every time.

Max shook his head in disbelief and cast me a look that said 'How the hell did he do that?' and I simply shrugged.

"Why do you shrug?" Carmen asked. It was then I noticed he was watching me.

"Oh, I-I don't know exactly" I said, trying to change the topic. "I guess I kinda stretched my shoulders tonight and was trying to fix this."

What a lie. He'd never believe this.

"You should try Aerobics, it helps" Carmen answered with his normal smile on his face again.

He did buy it…unbelievable.

"Erm, yeah. Sure will" I answered. I could feel Max nearly exploding in laughter next to me, but he didn't dare to laugh aloud.

"Leo, what do you say we go outside for a moment? All this bad air in here causes headaches" he said, packing his stuff and hurrying to the door.

"Er" I was a little taken aback. "Okay."

I stood up and followed him.

"Sorry, guys. See ya then" I yelled to Carmen and Roger who waved their arms and grinned.

When I opened the stage-door I could feel the cold autumn air breezing in my face.

"It's getting cold" I said, closing the door. Max stood, lend on a wall and grinned. I joined him there.  
"What is it?" I asked. He usually didn't grin without saying anything.

"Explain this to me" he started.

"Explain what?"

"What Carmen did with him. I mean we can talk to him as quietly as possible to calm him down, it doesn't work. And he simply puts his God-damn hand on his shoulder and everything's just fine. I don't get it" he laughed.

"I don't know, either" I smiled. "It must be a thing between them, but who can say?"

"A thing between them?" Max giggled even more. "Weird thought considering you talk about a gay couple."

"Why? They're not different than you and me" he said.

Max looked at me a bit awkward.

"Well, okay. Maybe a little" I grinned. "After all… Those crazy movements, the speech and all... Okay, maybe a little much."

"I wouldn't even go so far as to compare us with a couple like that" he said. I must've looked a bit odd, since he changed that sentence immediately. "I mean, first of all we're not a couple."

I nodded. "Then, we're not gay." I laughed again, but somehow he didn't.

"Yeah" he said. "You know, we should go inside again. Roger will get depressions when not everyone's on stage in time."

Then, he vanished through the door again, which fell close a moment later. I stood there for a moment.

'What was that?' I thought a little confused.

* * *

_~To be continued~_


	3. Daring

_"Look into the distance  
Tell me what you see  
Can you see the future?  
Are you there with me_

_Hope its there for both of us_  
_Hope we travel on_  
_'Cos I believe_  
_Yes I believe_  
_That once you light that fire_  
_and when you give it life_  
_It will grow and grow_

_'Cos the first touch_  
_Of your first love_  
_Is the deepest and the sweetest_  
_And the last words_  
_Of your first love_  
_Are the hardest words to hear"_

"He didn't say anything after that. I don't know why. But he seemed a little tense. The afternoon didn't go too well. Roger was cool actually. Somehow Carmen really got him and he was indeed calm and more friendly with everyone.

Max, on the other hand, seemed to have slipped from a really good day into a bad one. His mood wasn't the best, to say it the kind way."

"Did he have mood-changes like that often?" Rosie interrupted him.

Leo nodded: "He usually had some changes but not like that…little stressful ones were normal, really. But a big jump from 'Gee-Hug-The-World' to 'Oh-Fuck-Ya-All' was rare."

"I see" Rosie didn't take her eyes off Leo.

* * *

"Anyway, it was early in the evening that day when the last actors were finally allowed to go home and call it a day. I was on stage next to Roger and Carmen to talk about the program for the next day. I usually did this and checked lists and stuff, just in case you're interested at all.

After explaining what they had to sign and letting them tell me, for what seemed a millionth time, what they'd planned to do the next day, Roger suddenly started to whisper. He took me aside with only Carmen following and said: "Listen, what is this extreme mood Max is in now? What the hell did you two do out there?"

"Out there?" I asked a little confused.

"Oh, don't act dumb" Carmen interrupted. "He's been like that since you two came back from the break earlier. What happened?"

Being surrounded by two men like them, with their eyes following your every breath was pretty disturbing, but two men of whom you think they're a little crazy was worse. Much worse!

I ducked a little, but they simply wouldn't let go.

"Listen, I really haven't the slightest clue why he is like that now? We've joked around out there, not more. And suddenly he got this look and left."

Roger and Carmen finally leaned back and thought about something.

"Hm..." Roger began. "Well, I can't remember I ever saw him like that?"

"Oh, now you're exaggerating" I said. "It's just a bad mood. Lots of people get those."

Carmen shook his head. "No, Leo. This is different. Believe him. He knows Max for a longer time than you and I got used to this as well. This is more serious. He either has a really really stressful day, which wasn't exactly the case, or he has a problem of some other kind."

"Problem?"

Carmen and Roger nodded contemporaneously.

"Well, what kind of Problem?" I asked after a short moment. I couldn't believe he really had one, since he'd never seriously cared about anything.

"That, my friend" Roger said, swinging his arm around my shoulder, "is for you to find out."

I stepped back in a hurry. "Me? Why me?"

"Because, you two are together all day long, seven days a week. No one has a better chance than you" Carmen added.

"But" I instinctively grabbed my blanket – an old habit, you know – and started a slight hint of panic arising inside of me. "But, I can't talk to him about anything like that. Especially not if he's in such a mood."

Carmen stared at me with a puzzling look in his eyes: "Why not?"

"Because…"I hesitated. Why should I tell them? But then, I thought it was for Max's own good after all, so maybe they needed to know.

"Because, it is sort of an unspoken agreement between us, that whenever one has something to hide; you know, of which he would never speak to anyone, there will be no asking from the other side. I mean, if he wanted to tell me what's wrong he surely would've done it by now, don't you think?"

The two men looked at each other for a couple of minutes; then grinned. Roger shook his head and looked at me again.

"I think in this case you SHOULD find out" he said.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Let's say, I believe it's a thing between you and him" he grinned even more now. All I did, was standing there like an idiot, not getting what he was driving at.

Finally, I sighed and looked down. I felt a slight nod coming from my head, though I wasn't truly intending to do so.

"Fine" I said. "Okay, I'll try to ask him. But if he's mad afterwards, it's your fault."

I pointed at them, but Carmen and Roger just smiled again.

_"Once you had gold,  
Once you had silver,  
Then came the rains  
out of the blue.  
Ever and always.  
Always and ever.  
Time gave both darkness and dreams to  
you._

_Now you can see_  
_Spring becomes autumn,_  
_leaves become gold_  
_falling from view._  
_Ever and always._  
_Always and ever._  
_No-one can promise a dream come true,_  
_Time gave both darkness and dreams to_  
_you."_

Max packed his stuff. He usually collected papers and stuff after one day and acted as though he'd take this all very seriously. The truth was he usually abandoned it on his desk in his office afterwards, but somehow he really had a tic with never leaving anything in a theatre. Maybe it was still an old habit, which kind of made him feel better. No one could prove evidence about him might doing anything wrong.

I stalked to him. What did I fear after all? That the slightest sound would make him scream at me? No, not really. I admit, I panic easily, but I really had more than three years of my life spend with this guy now, so I was used to a louder tone, even screaming. I guess all I feared was to break this promise no one ever spoke about. I couldn't even remember when this was made, but we never talked about earnest stuff. Ever.

And I was about to abolish all of that, just because the only two Queens in the world I knew personally wanted me to talk to him. I really liked them, don't get me wrong about that, but their ideas were literally shit. I never understood why they couldn't talk the way everyone understood what they meant. They acted as though none of them had any clue of anything when it came to situation similar to this one, but apparently they knew exactly what was going on. It was their way not to stick their noses into other people's business and yet do exactly that.

"You seem stressed" I said quietly. Max looked up for a short moment, as though I had ripped him out of any important thoughts, but returned to his papers as quick as possible.

"I'm tired" he replied. "That's all."

Who did he think was he talking to? He wasn't tired at all. I knew at least to judge him for that matter.

He was reaching after some contract that laid directly in front of me, but before he could pick it up, I grabbed his hands and kept him from moving. This, of course, caused a rather furious look, but no screaming. I was surprised, not only about my own courage all of a sudden, but also about his reaction.

"Well" I started. "How about dinner?"

Max's look didn't change a bit. That was definitely bad.

"No" he simply said and added in a more dangerous tone: "Let go!"

"Oh come one. This'll give you a chance to relax a little. No more 'I am tired' and stuff. I know you're not."

Where these words really coming from me? I didn't know where they came from, but my stomach actually gave a vault.

"What?" he said and, without any doubt, was mad now. Thanks to Roger and Carmen. Why did I listen to them?

"I know you when you're tired and this day wasn't too exhausting. If there's a reason for your bad mood, you surely need a little relaxation" I kept talking. Maybe I could talk his anger dead, which would save me for good. "So, what about it?"

"I said, let go of me" he repeated.

"Not until you agree" I tried to grin but I guess it looked more silly.

My luck was that even Max had to laugh about this. Not much of course, but his rather mad look changed into a smallish smirk. Then he sighed and looked down.

"If I am, will you let go of me?" he asked.

"Yeah" I said.

"Well, okay then" he said.

"Don't you like me touching you or what is it?" I grinned now, too.

"No" he said shortly and somehow looked kind of devilish with the grin and the yet satanic look now. "My wrists turn blue."

A little shocked I looked down to his hand, which I was still holding. Maybe I held them in too tight a grip. Paralysed I stood there for a moment, still not believing what I just did and then let go in a hurry.

Max rubbed his wrists.

"I'm sorry" I said and I really was. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Was this another smile on his face? "That's okay."

Finally, he looked kind of friendly again.

"Listen, I will pack a few more things together and then we can go, all right?"

He lifted his right hand and touched my neck, while pulling me closer; as he often did.

"We'll meet in about ten minutes outside, okay?"

I nodded, till he let go and walked backstage.

I turned myself towards the Exit and was about to leave as well, when Roger and Carmen held me back.

"So?" Carmen asked.

"So nothing" I said. "He didn't tell me anything. I told you before."

"I think he's told you enough, but you simply didn't understand" Roger smiled.

I puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Carmen joined Roger's smile. They looked at each other and said: "What was that thing about him putting his hand around your neck?"

"What?" I didn't know what they meant, though I was pretty sure they tried to manoeuvre me onto some path again. "Oh, that's nothing. He often does it. Kinda old habit or whatnot, I dunno."

Roger started to laugh. It was a loud masculine laugh, rarely used by this man.

"If you say so, young friend" he looked me directly into the eyes. "then it must be true."

With those words, he swung his arm around Carmen and they left the theatre without looking back once. I was left behind, without getting anything, yet contemporary finding their little games extremely annoying.

"What did they want?"

Max stood behind me and nodded in their direction. He knew their seemingly senseless conversations and felt annoyed by them every time, although I knew he'd developed a certain sympathy to them at last.

"I can't tell you" I answered, still looking after them.

"Can't tell or don't wanna tell?" he grinned again.

"Really can't tell" I had to grin. "I have not the slightest idea what they wanted."

I scratched my head. That was the weirdest thing the two of them had ever managed to do in front of me. Max knew them some time longer and surely knew better fitting examples, but for me this was simply too queer to understand.

"Well, okay" I heard Max saying behind me. "Shall we?"

I nodded and we went off.

Two hour later we still sat at Sardi's, both sipping our drinks and talking about silly stuff. I don't know, this usually happened when we were somewhere without Roger and Carmen.

"So, sorry for bringing this up again" Max said. "But you really have no idea what they wanted just now?"

I swallowed the last bit of wine and answered: "Why? You don't believe me?"

"Not at all, you old liar" he grinned.

I had to laugh as well. It was good to see him being his old self again and obviously enjoying the evening.

"I honestly don't know what that was about" I said again, leaning back. "I hardly ever get through to them. Well, maybe it's just them or I am unable to understand homosexuals."

Max laughed. "Well, I'd say it's just them. They are rather weird."

"But you must admit they have a certain sweetness to them."

"Sweetness?"

"Max, don't tell me you never noticed the way they act when they're together. Despite their little fights now and then, they're really sweet. They'd die for each other. I'm pretty sure about that" I explained.

"But?" Max looked at me in disbelief. "You find that odd?"

"No, … Well, not really" I said. "I mean, you know… They're two guys after all."

Max shrugged. "You said it yourself, they love each other. So, nothing wrong about that."

"No, not really" I agreed. "But I tried to imagine how this would be like, you know? I mean, loving a man."

Max coughed shortly, then waved to the waitress.

"I think we should go now. Another rehearsal day starts early tomorrow" he said.

Again, I started to wonder a little. He wasn't mad now, but he seemed to cut me off every time I mentioned the topic. Okay, maybe he just didn't like it, but I knew for sure one could talk with him about a topic like that easily.

_"I'm scared_

_So afraid to show I care_

_Will he think me weak_

_If I tremble_

_When I speak_

_What if,_

_There's another one he's thinking of_

_Maybe he's in love_

_I'd feel like a fool_

_Life can be so cruel_

_I don't know what to do"_

We arrived at Max's office quite a while later. On the way there, we decided to stay there over the night, since driving to our apartments would take too long now. There was a bed and the couch in there, so this was no problem and we've done that a thousand times before. Max lived there half of the week nonetheless.

As we climbed up the stairs, Max turned around and started to imitate Roger. He loved doing that and, funny enough, always found anything that fit him so perfectly even Roger himself couldn't have done it better.

Max's Roger-imitations were fabulous. He knew this guy way too long as not to mimic his exact way of speech and movements.

"Watch the step, darling" he joked. "We don't want this marvellous body of yours to get any scratches now, would we?"

I laughed so hard, I can't remember how long it took to get to the first floor.

"Oh Roger" I played along. "You're so strong and always careful."

Max turned for a short moment and grinned. But, as funny as this might seem he didn't break out. He opened the office-door with a very swishy gesture and bowed deeply.

"After you, my love" he grinned while doping this.

"Yessssssssssssssssss"I said and walked inside like a poodle with my head up high.

Inside, I hung up my coat and moved over to the middle of the office. Max closed the door, put his stuff away as well and came in, still in a very gay way, to join me. I had a hard time not to laugh, but he obviously kept playing this 'til the bitter end.

"Well, sweetie, is there anything I can get you" he asked. It was unbelievable how similar to Roger he sounded. I laughed a lot, 'til I decided not to break out as well.

If the two of them knew we'd have a good time just imitating them, they most likely would never have spoken to us again.

So, I moved over to Max, flung my arms around him and started Carmen's usual way of sweet-talking to Roger.

"You know what I wish for, don't you, Mr. DeBris?"

"And what would that be, Mr. Ghia?" Max said.

I pulled him closer and whispered: "Anything you like."

I really couldn't help but laugh now. This was simply too much. It cracked me up to think of both of them acting that way. I remembered Max and me sitting in their living room one day and Carmen did exactly that, while we thought 'Oh my God, not here, please!'

I stumbled backwards, tears in my eyes, 'til suddenly I lost balance and fell.

Max, with some reflexes I had never suspected on him, grabbed me right before I hit the ground.

It must've looked pretty weird: Me hanging shortly over the ground with Max holding me; one hand on my back, the other beneath my neck.

"Wow, thanks" I said, grinning. "That was pretty g…"

I couldn't finish the sentence, for what happened then was unbelievable.

All I felt that moment was Max's warm face and his lips touching mine. I could feel my eyes widened in surprise. I did not dare to move, nor to say anything. I just hung there, doing nothing and trying to sort my thoughts, which simply didn't work.

Noticing what he was doing, he let go as fast as he could and stepped back from me. I somehow managed to stand on my feet again without falling.

We stood there for what seemed an eternity. I simply stared at him without thinking the slightest thing. My face must've been a mixture of shock, surprise and a billion questions. Max on the other hand looked away, avoiding my direction as good as he could.

"I…er… I'm sorry…I"

He didn't finish this, but walked away quickly. I kept standing there for a moment, then walked slowly after him, just to find him sitting on the bed in the next room with his head in his hands.

"Max, what…"I whispered. I couldn't find any other way to get my voice back.

"I said, I'm sorry" he answered as quietly as I did before. He didn't look up.

"This won't happen again."

I sighed and moved slowly over to him. I couldn't explain any of this, nor did I really want to.

I sat down next to him. All I could do now was staring to the ground. I just couldn't say anything. Questions started to whirl around my head now. Max didn't move either. I hardly heard him breathing at all.

"Was this why you …" I started anew. "…Why you avoided this subject all day long?"

I was aware that my voice still sounded hoarse and not like me at all, but somehow I needed an answer.

"I" Max said after a while. "I am really sorry. This shouldn't have happened."

He put his hands down I saw that from the corners of my eyes.

"It's just that…" he continued. "Don't get me wrong, but it's just that I feel strange near you lately. I tried not to show this … But , you know…when I had you in my arms down there... it was this… this odd situation. I mean it was as if someone else acted through me."

He honestly tried to explain this, though I knew exactly he had no idea what had happened.

Max turned his head and looked at me.

"Leo, I am really sorry."

He meant it, I could feel. As if in a dream I turned my head as well. His eyes told the truth for sure.

"I guess, you can't forgive me this, can ya?" he asked.

He looked at me. It was as if he'd look through me. Only Max was able to do this. I tried to answer, but what hit me then was less me than anything else.

I moved closer to him, touched his face and kissed him the same way he did just a moment ago. Why did I do this? I had no clue. But I forgot the questions that kept buzzing in my head, the situation that complicated with this even more and even the imagination of the faces of Roger and Carmen, when they found out about this. All I felt was the warmth of this man; his breath on my skin. Emotions I never felt before in my life. It was as though I fell off the ground, defying all gravity. I noticed I slipped onto the bed and, while still kissing Max, pulled him with me. "

* * *

"You two…"Rosie sounded as though she just remembered she had a voice.

Leo nodded sadly.

* * *

_~to be continued~_


	4. Crushing

_„There's a fine, fine line_

_Between a lover and a friend._

_There's a fine, fine line_

_Between reality and pretend._

_And you'll never know _

_Until you've reached the top_

_If it was worth the up-hill climb._

_There's a fine, fine line_

_Between love_

_And a waste of time."_

Rosie sat there and stared at Leo. The always silent, sad-looking and a bit neurotic Leo. She just couldn't believe what he just told her. Could this be? Was this the reason for his odd behavior or did something laying deeper within cause all this?

Leo sat there, not talking anymore, just watching the ground with his brown eyes which seemed to look sadder every second he dared to tell more of his sheer unbelievable past.

"I didn't know you were gay" Rosie said after a while.

"I'm not" Leo looked up as though someone has slapped him awake. "I assure you I'm not."

"But…"

Was he kidding her? When a guy was sleeping with a guy , then being gay was the most common term for it. And he just told her he did. Wasn't that true? But then why would someone make up something like that?

"But you just said…" She started but couldn't make it to the end of her question.

"I know what I've told you" Leo said quickly. "But believe me, I am not gay. I just don't know what happened to me that night. I can't explain why I did it."

He sighed and buried his face in his hands. " I just dunno…"

'Poor Leo' Rosie thought. He looked so pathetic. One could feel his pain, his questions and his invincible desire to forget. Rosie felt sorry for him. She really did. And she didn't even know the whole story. After all, if he'd found someone he loved... It was a beautiful thing. But with Leo sitting there, swearing with all he owned he wasn't gay… Something must've gone wrong.

"Well" she started again. "What happened?"

Leo didn't look up: "What do you mean?"

"Oh come on, you know what I mean" she said. "How can you spend a night with a guy without any questions... without having a reason to part afterwards? I mean you've worked with him for years, haven't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, there was a reason."

Rosie changed the way she sat until then and looked at him with all attention she had to offer.

* * *

Leo took a deep breath and continued:

"It wasn't without a reason of course. There always is. I remember sleeping deeply that night, without any worries or sense of guilt. I just felt happy, not this false happy you feel when you think you've gotten something you easily could've wished for at Christmas. No, this was a "Happy" I've never felt before. It was warm and enjoyable, filling every last bit of me and killing really the last spark of doubt. I laid there, breathing easily and feeling him next to me. Not alone. That was the last thing I thought before I fell asleep, I remember that.

I awoke pretty late the next morning. At least I thought it was late, for even though it was fall, there were sunbeams falling through the window nearby. I still was sleepy and just laid there, without moving at all. When I opened my eyes, I first took a short while until I could see clearly.

I could see the clouds rushing by through the window. Grey ones, with a slight blue glimmer, heavy, yet soft. They let just enough space for the crystal-blue skies to shine through a little. How late was it? I moved my head for just some inches to look for the time.

3pm. I never sleep this long. What about the day? The rehearsal that took place since the morning? Max would surely kill me.

Wham! It was as thought I never had slept at all. I opened my eyes faster than ever before.

What about Max?

I wheeled around, just to find an empty space next to me. Where was he? Why didn't he wake me?

I guess you know the dizzy feeling you got in the morning when you rush up too fast. I felt like it in that very moment. I propped up one arm to get a hold of myself. Then I rubbed my eyes. Did this really happen or did I imagine that?

I fell back on my pillow. It still smelled like him all around me. No, this certainly was real.

'This will change a lot.'

It was the first time I really thought that, but not in a bad way. I simply felt I finally had found something real. Something to rely on, without the panic in me to lose it again or with something might going wrong.

But at the same time, I thought we had to talk about it. There was no way in undoing this, so I had to know what was gonna be.

So, I finally stood up and started to dress. I walked over to the window and stared outside for a moment. What should I say? I was sure Max wouldn't wanna talk. He just wasn't the kind of person to talk about emotions or to allow another person to get deeper into his personality.

I was ripped rather hard out of my thought, when I suddenly heard voices from outside the room. I turned and walked over to the door. That sounded like Roger.

"No, honestly. I don't get why you two didn't show up today. This is important even though it's just the beginning" he said in a deep voice.

"I told you I'm sorry, but I just don't feel well."

That was Max, no doubt. So, he was still there. And he hadn't been at rehearsals as well.

"Not feeling well isn't the best excuse, really" Roger continued. "And I expected more of Mr. Bloom. He is usually so reliable."

"Maybe he slept longer today" Max said. "I mean, he looked rather tired yesterday."

"And you think I believe that?"

"Why should I lie to you?"

"Because you usually keep him busy, so he won't forget a thing. And even if you've decided to stay here today, I'd say you've even called him and told him to go" Roger answered.

"Well, I didn't" Max simply said.

What was that? He obviously didn't tell him I was just in the next room. Okay, he might not wanted them to know. It was Roger and Carmen after all and Max knew quite well how they'd behave if they found out.

Then there was a long pause. I don't know what happened, but I could imagine. As far as I knew Roger he kept staring at Max with his 'I-don't-believe-you-just-said-that' look.

"Anyway, now that you know I'm here and am not coming today" I heard Max's voice. "You can go."

I heard Roger deep inhale, the sort of thing he did when he felt treated unfair in any way. Then he turned. At least I've heard footsteps away from the door directly to the front door.

'What a relief` I thought.

But there was no slamming of the door. Why didn't I hear the door? Did Roger change his mind or simply forgot something. Or…No! I just remembered something.

"Wait" his deep voice started. "Aren't those Leo's coat and briefcase?"

No!

I was in shock, really. I knew something would blow this. I knew I'd forgotten something. Slowly I felt panic rising inside of me.

Max seemed to think as well. I never saw him speechless before, but this time I didn't even hear him breathing.

"Well" he said and I knew he was waving his hands about. Only once I've seen this before. It's the moment when he tries to find an answer but doesn't really know what to say.

"Is he….no" Roger sounded both, shocked and excited. I heard him coming into the room again, closer to Max and closer to my door.

"He's here, isn't he?" he asked.

"Erm…"

Max didn't say anything.

"Oh yes" Roger moved a bit away from him and sat down. I knew the crunchy sound of that leather-couch too well by now.

"Where is he? Did something happen?" Roger asked.

"Well, I'd…I'd rather you would leave" Max said. He didn't sound like himself at all anymore. Funny, how odd situations could change people.

„No, no, no" Roger interrupted him.

My God! This Guy was unbelievable. He knew. I was certain, because the only thing I knew for sure about him was that he could smell stuff like that. If it was the odd behavior of Max or the signs, which laid clearly and for all to see in the middle of the room. Or maybe some kind of sixth sense only he had. I wasn't able to tell.

"Where is he and why are you telling me this rubbish about not feeling well?" he asked.

Bulls-eye. Max simply had to answer this. This question was pronounced so clearly there were no chances of breaking out.

"He's…" Max couldn't. He just couldn't tell him. He usually would make up all kinds of explanations but he was stumbling over his own words or thoughts or whatever it was.

"Oh, come on. There's only one place he could possibly be" Roger said, a little annoyed of not hearing what he wanted to. I knew he was pointing at the door of the bedroom; the very same door I sat behind.

"With you both not appearing today and you desperately trying to hide Leo in there..." he said and nodded towards the door, "...gives me kind of the feeling I'm on the right path."

"I think you're getting a little too deep into business that doesn't concern you" Max said, now fully capable of using his normal voice with a bit of anger lying in it.

Silence. Again. I supposed Roger wouldn't let himself be satisfied with such an answer. Max was breathing in slowly as if he'd have to hold his breath for at least five minutes.

"Okay, next thing there are no signs of any of you spending last night on the couch."

I knew what Max looked like just then. He most surely would turn his head away and put his right hand on his head, as if he had a head-ache. He surely knew for certain that there was no running from this.

"Max?" Roger asked and with this proved me right. "Did you sleep with him?"

There it was: the question he dreaded. Those five words that would change his life... our lives forever. Everything depended on his answer now, even though it didn't mean anything. It's fascinating how something can mean so much and at the same time be so useless that it may seem even silly just to consider an answer. Yet, he had to say something.

Roger smiled. I just knew. I could feel him smiling.

"Yes, you did" he finally said. Max didn't respond. What now? Come out of the room and confess something he already knew or hide in there and pretend not to be there?

I remained silently behind a closed door.

"Max?"

Max turned around as quickly as he could, looking Roger directly into the face.

"Okay!" he shouted. I could hear his anger and helplessness in his voice. Shaking, yet loud... It wasn't at all how he sounded usually.

"Okay, yes. So what? It's not the end of the world now, is it? I don't know why you are interested in this anyway!"

I stood there like turned into stone. This couldn't be true at all. He didn't just tell him, did he? Oh yes, he did. He did and there wouldn't be any chance to take this back.

"Well, what's the screaming about then?" I heard Roger's voice. "It's okay. You're right, I shouldn't care, but I don't understand why you make such a fuss about it. I mean this had to happen some day."

"What?"

"Did you really think I didn't notice your looks or Leo's admiration for you?" he continued. "Please, this was obvious."

"Was it?" Again Max sounded insecure. Just like a child getting caught by his mother while desperately trying to keep a secret.

"Does this embarrass you?" Roger asked.

"Well…"

"Yes" Roger sounded surprised. "Why?"

"I…"

"All right, I won't ask anymore, if it's really such a hard thing for you to speak about" Roger said. He seemed to understand; something I'd never have suspected. Max neither as it seemed.

Roger stood up and walked straight to the door. Finally. He knew now, but at least Max managed it to get rid of him. I felt a little better at last.

But then… No! He stopped again.

"One last question before I leave" he said calmly.

"Hm?"A scared response, which must've been Max.

Roger sighed.

"Do you love him?"

My eyes widened. I never thought of that question before. Never. I couldn't imagine the answer, though indirectly I knew deep inside. I wasn't sure at all what I would've done in this situation; what I would've answered, if I had answered at all. And Max? What the hell would he say?

No passion without love. That was what I'd learned since I was born and surely this was it.

"Come on, it's one simple question" Roger's voice slapped me awake again. "Do you love him?"

There was a pause, then a noise that sounded more like Roger was taken aback. You know, the one you do in a shocking moment. I had no idea what had happened.

"Are you sure?" I heard him again. "Repeat that for me. You can't mean this."

"I am. I don't love him" Was Max's answer.

It was as if someone had hit me in the stomach. I felt like falling deeply without any chance of getting caught, right before vanishing into the depth of nowhere.

I stared at the ground without thinking at all,shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

"You don't? What on the world made you do this then?" Roger said, his voice rising with each word. "How could you do this to Leo then?"

"Look, it's not like that" Max's voice was back to normal and rose as well. "It's not anything like your relationship with your sissy little assistant. Okay? I am neither you nor Carmen. Gee, I don't even think a bit like you. I wouldn't die for him, even though you think that is it what makes a relationship work!"

"But you…"

I've heard enough. I don't know what stroke me back then, but I took the nearest thing I could reach; in my case an old book which stood on the shelve next to me. I wanted them to shut up. No more. Not even one damn word more. I didn't want to hear it. So, I threw the book in the direction of the window and, as you can imagine, broke it. The noise was sort of refreshing. It made everything around me shut up. It was this one loud moment you need to clear your mind and then there was silence. Long silence. At least, that's what it was for me. I went to the window and propped up my whole body with my arms on the window-sill. I looked at the shattered pieces of glass on the ground and the last bit that was left from the window. As the sun reflected in them, I realized that this was my life. Shattered, without a way to fix it, just with the things that happened reflecting in it. The only thing to do now was to replace it with something else.

The door behind me opened and Max and Roger rushed inside.

"Oh my God, is everything all right?" I heard Roger.

"What did you….How long have you been awake?" Max asked shocked.

I just stood there and stared into space. I could feel my face darken. Then I turned and walked pass the two men, straight to the door.

"Leo" Max said.

I turned around and said: "Long enough."

Then, I walked through the door and the office, grabbed my coat and shoes and walked to the door, that would part me from this man forever.

"Were the hell are you going? Leo" Max jumped after me and grabbed my arm. "Let me explain…"

With one fast movement I made him let go of me.

"What is there to explain?" I screamed. My face was hot and red, I could feel that. "You did get exactly what you wanted, didn't you? Having it all your way and get rid of the consequences as quick as possible."

He shook his head and looked even more helpless than before. "No, you didn't get this right…"

"I got all I had to" I cried. "And now, leave me alone."

I glared over to Roger, who stood in the bed-room door like a child who watched his parents in a fight, then turned and slammed the door behind me.

I couldn't work with this guy any more. I didn't want to see him, I didn't even want to waste one more thought about him. All I wanted was to leave; to get away from all of this.

I quit my flat in Manhattan that same day and in the evening I walked through New York, without having anything left. I didn't realize the cold weather, though the collar of my coat was kocked up. I wandered along the dark streets, past a few leafs rolling over the empty streets I chose to walk on and before I really noticed where I was, I stood on one of the bridges to New Jersey. I turned once more and saw the skyline of Manhattan at night. One last glimpse of the life I had. As I looked at it, I shook my head. This was over. I kept asking myself though why this made me feel so bad. The answer, I guess, is that the only thing everyone in the world relies on is a love that keeps him from drowning, no matter with whom or what. It's the reason why they write books about it or shoot movies or simply long to find something like that their whole lives long. It's the only thing which makes us humans feel good and really enjoy our miserable lives in any way. Even though people keep telling they don't need it or don't want it; it's still the thing everyone looks up for. Unfortunately only a hand full of people in the world are the lucky ones to really experience this. Then why looking for it? Because, we just can't believe that this is all our life has to offer. There always is this wishful thinking that there must be more; a reason why we are all here.

But not for me.

Then I turned my back on it and vanished into a new life. I found a flat here and swore myself never to think or speak about this."

* * *

_"There's a fine, fine line_

_Between a fairytale and a lie_

_And there's a fine, fine line_

_Between you're wonderful and Good-Bye_

_I guess if someone doesn't love you back_

_It isn't such a crime_

_But there's a fine, fine line_

_Between love and a waste of time_

_And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore_

_I don't think that you even know what you're looking for_

_For my own sanity I've gotta close the door_

_And walked away"_

Rosie stared at him, as if he'd just told her a very exciting bedtime-story.

"And then, you started to work for Joe?"

Leo nodded. "That's all, really."

He stroked through his hair. "I would appreciate it, if you keep this all with you."

Rosie nodded. "Of course."

It's gotten late then. The two of them spent the whole day just chatting. Rosie was so fascinated by Leo's story, that she didn't dare to move a muscle in fear he might stop. So, she now stood up and walked to the door. Leo followed her.

"I am sorry to have bothered you with this" he said. "I wished an afternoon together would end up funnier."

He tried hard to look carefree and even to smile, but Rosie could read his mind. He was again thinking about what he just told her and she felt his pain. He didn't want this for sure. He wanted to forget and close that file. Suddenly she felt silly to have bugged him to tell her his story. It was her fault he felt miserable now. She had to repay him somehow, she knew.

On her way out, she turned:" Er..., Leo?"

"Yes?" He looked up before closing the door once more.

"Did you love him?"

What fascinated Rosie still, were his eyes, which, even though they were sad, always managed to look even sadder. It almost broke her heart.

"I am sorry" she said. "I didn't want to upset you with this. Just forget it."

"No, I didn't" Leo said.

She looked up again. "So?"

"I never did, actually."

She nodded and walked to her own flat, opened the door and closed it softly after her.

* * *

Sunday went over pretty fast. Neither Leo nor Rosie saw each other or even left their flats that day. It was a rainy autumn's day with heavy gray clouds all over the city. Leo hadn't left his bed all day, yet he couldn't sleep at all. All the memories he had abandoned long ago came back to him. He tossed around too many times, trying to forget, but it didn't work, until finally he fell into a fretful sleep.

When he awoke on Monday, he was glad he had to work around noon. He felt awful and tired. He knew he also looked pretty bad with a pale face and tousled hair. He didn't shave and looked as tired as he felt. But there was no use. He had to work and though he still thought there wasn't much left of the old Leo, he would never skip a day of work.

When he arrived at the little restaurant on a corner of a huge building in the city, he noticed the lack of guests.

"Maybe it's just not the day to go out" he thought.

Leo came into the kitchen minutes later and hung up his coat.

"Well, Bloom" he heard a rough voice behind him and rushed around.

Rod, one of the chefs stood behind him. He was much taller than himself. Leo always thought he looked more like a suspect fresh out of prison, than a chef and always wore a certain fear of him inside. His voice was deep and hoarse and the tattoo's on his hands didn't really help to improve the picture of this guy.

"Yes?" he asked a little shy. Gosh, did he really notice his fear? Guys like him could smell something like that easily.

"I've heard some rather nasty things about you and just wanted to ask if this was true?" he said and coughed afterwards.

"Nasty things about me?" he forced himself into a smile. "I admit, I robbed the bank near the town-hall last night, okay. Gee, how did you find out?"

The smaller man turned around again and continued to hang up his stuff when suddenly a huge hand forced him to turn around again. Leo's eyes widened in panic.

"Listen you" Rod said. "I don't like some miserable little fag like you talking to me like that!"

He was very close to him now. Leo looked up in shock. Fag?

"So, is it true you are one of those disgusting morons who enjoys being screwed up by men?"

Leo took a deep breath. Then he looked around quickly. A couple of other male employees had gathered around him, throwing nasty looks in his direction. Some of them even laughed madly about this picture. And in one far corner stood Rosie looking as though she would start to cry every minute.

"Rosie, what the hell did you do?" Leo screamed in panic, but Rod grabbed him on his shirt, so he wouldn't have any chance to flee.

"I'm sorry Leo, they heard me on the phone" she said with tears now running down her face.

"So, it is true then!" Rod said, lifting Leo in the air. "And you worked for this rich guy who's on TV nowadays all the time, right?"

Leo stared straight into this gorilla's eyes. He couldn't hide his fear and, like he predicted, he could tell so as well.  
"The only thing I hate more than the disgust gay men give me are gay men who do as some rich brat tells him to" he screamed. His voice was strong and Leo felt as though it made the whole room vibrate.

Rod rose his fist and the next thing the hazel-eyed man remembered was lying on the ground with his face aching as hell. He coughed two times and saw Rod rising his foot, just before it hit him in the stomach as well. He flew several inches away and was hit against the wall, 'til he laid on the floor again, trying to catch some breath. He coughed again and could hardly open his eyes. He felt blood appearing in his mouth, but didn't manage to get rid of it. He also felt it running down his head like sweat. Carefully he raised his head very slowly. He felt his own powers vanish and his whole body starting to shake, though he doubled up on the ground holding his stomach. He couldn't breath, so no thought about talking to this guy.

In the corner of his eye he saw Rod rising his fist once more and pressed his face to the ground, closing his eyes and awaiting the next painful smash.

But just as Rod was about to hit Leo again, another hand grabbed after his and hold him back.

"That's enough now" a voice behind him said.

Leo, with his face still pressed to the ground, opened his eyes wide in shock. He would recognize that voice always and among thousands of other people.

Everyone was silent at once, staring at the stranger. Rod turned around in a fury.

"Who are you to decide this?" he screamed.

"I've called the police and when they arrive here, you will have to explain what you're doing here" the man smiled. "I guess another two years in prison will be just fine for you, you know, meeting old buddies and stuff." He grinned.

Rod looked at him for a minute. "You… You didn't call the cops" he said.

"Hmm" he shrugged. "We shall see in a few minutes."

Suddenly Rod stepped back a few inches.

"Hey pal, this was just fun. You know. Me and my buddy Bloom playing around a little, right guys?"

All of the other employees who stood around Leo and Rod nodded nervously.

"Well, I'm sure the officers will be glad to hear that" the man said and grinned even more.

"Nah, come on" Rod tried to defend himself. "There's nothing but a few scratches on him. Stuff like this happens sometimes. Bloom, tell him I didn't mean it."

Leo, who still laid on the ground not moving a muscle, didn't say a word but kept staring wide-eyed into space.

Rod giggled insecurely. "All right, if that's all, I will continue work then. Plenty to do" he said and vanished quickly into the kitchen again, with the other men following him without a sound.

The man looked after them and then turned to Leo. He knelt down.

"Are you all right? Let me help you" he said, grabbing after him.

But Leo, suddenly able to move his arm, pushed him away.

"Don't touch me!" he whispered with nearly no voice. He closed his eyes in pain and tried to stand up, while his whole body was shaking enormously.

Again, the man tried to help him, putting his hands on his back to support Leo.

"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME" Leo suddenly screamed with the loudest voice he could accomplish.

It took some time, but he finally managed to stand up. Rosie hold a handkerchief towards him, which he took. He gave her a dark look and rubbed the blood away from his mouth.

"What happened? Why did he do this?"

Leo looked at this man in front of him with an even darker look.

"What are you doing here, Max?"

* * *

_~to be continued~ _


	5. Meeting

_„Don't say what you're about to say_

_Look back before you leave my life_

_Be sure before you close that door_

_Before you roll those dice_

_Baby, Think twice"_

"You're bleeding" Max said with a worried look on his face. "Maybe it'll be safer if you go and see a doctor."

Leo stepped back. There was no way he could allow this person to help him in any way. Plus, he didn't answer his question. He hadn't seen him in three years and had avoided anything concerning him, and all of a sudden he stood there; out of nowhere and didn't seem surprised to see Leo here. How did he manage to find out where he lived? He didn't leave any signs, he was sure.

"What are you doing here?" Leo asked again.

"I …er…I want to talk to you" he answered quietly. He gestured with his hands. He always did, when he was nervous or tried to explain anything. "You know, about…"

"I don't wanna talk to you" Leo answered precipitantly. He didn't notice, but as he said that he shook his head slightly. Anger arose inside of him, but not due to Max, but to himself abandoning his own decisions in that very moment.

"But you…"

"No! Stop that!" Leo yelled and turned around. "Please, go away." Those words were not more than a whisper. He felt dizzy and leaned against a wall. This wasn't true. Maybe he didn't wake up this morning and was dreaming again. But then, the pain in his whole body, especially in his head seemed too real to be imagination.

"What's that noise about, eh?" Joe appeared in the door. "Bloom, why do you scream like… what happened to yer face?" He literally jumped to Leo, put one hand on his face and forced him to look him in the eyes.

"Did ya fall?" he asked. "Hit yer head anywhere?"

Leo looked at him with a spaced-out look. Then he nodded slightly. "Yeah, I bumped my head."

"Well, then ya should go home and rest. Ya don' look well a'all" the huge man said.

"What? Leo, why don't you…" Max interrupted them, but didn't finish his sentence.

"Who are you?" Joe wheeled around. He wasn't all too pleased with a stranger standing there, nor did he like to be interrupted. "Bloom, 'tis a friend of ya?" He pointed to Max with his thumb while looking at Leo again.

Leo on the other hand moved his head only a little to stare from Joe to Max.

"No" he said. "I haven't seen him before."

"What? How can you say that?" Rosie finally dared to come closer. "You could at least…"

"Well, enough o'that! I don't want anyone else but me employees here" Joe said. "Bloom, you go home now and do something with your face. I will kick you to a doctor if ya don', ya here me?"

Leo nodded. Then, Joe turned to Max and Rosie. "And I must ask you to leave, Sir. No one's allowed back here."

With those words, he vanished again and left nothing but silence. Max looked after him a little suspicious, while Rosie kept staring at Leo in disbelief.

He still stood, leaned at the wall with his eyes closed. His body ached and he didn't feel too well. Was it due to the bruises he got just minutes ago? He doubted that, if he was honest. It started again. This horrible feeling of not knowing what to do or to say. And the silence between the three of them didn't improve this situation pretty much. As a matter of fact, he wished someone would say anything, just to break through this nothing which kept surrounding him. Yet, at the same time, he didn't want anyone to say anything. He wanted them to vanish and forget he'd ever existed.

Slowly, Leo moved away from the wall but staggered awfully. He didn't realize he was moving, but he knew he had to find a hole to hide in. He wasn't brave or strong or whatnot, he just remained a coward, as much as he tried to change that. Or was exactly the confession to himself about being that way the strength that made him who he was?

The door wasn't that far away. He took the steps up the stairs carefully and vanished through the door outside.

Max remained motionless where he was and silently looked after him.

"I can't believe you're also giving up that easily" Rosie addressed him now. "You just let him go?"

Max turned his head towards her.

"You're Rosie?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Well, then I should thank you for your call" he said calmly. "I guess I'd never found him without that hint."

"Are you going to let him get away again?" she asked, not believing his calm way of speaking to her.

Max closed his eyes, sank his head and smiled.

"You…You don't happen to know where he lives now, do you?" he asked without rising his head again.

Rosie was slightly astonished about this. Was he kidding? What did he plan? Talk to him again or did he just ask this to know? He didn't give the impression to jump after him and hold him back for some reason. If Leo's story was really true, did he just want to hurt him again or not? She didn't know how to judge him. Although, why did she call him then, if there wasn't a spark of doubt about Leo's story. After all, there are always two points of view.

So, she nodded.

* * *

_"I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.  
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know  
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way  
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace  
To a place where we'll be safe_

_La luce che tu hai (The light you have)  
I pray we'll find your light  
nel cuore resterà (will be in the heart)  
and hold it in our hearts.  
a ricordarci che (to remember us that)  
When stars go out each night,  
eterna stella sei (you are eternal star)"_

Leo arrived at his place in what seemed hours to him. He closed the door behind him without noticing and walked into his bathroom. He placed himself in front of his mirror and watched his head. It really didn't look too good actually. Leo took his time to wash his face clean of blood and dirt.

'Damn. This silly gorilla' he thought. 'I didn't even do anything that offended him.'

After drying his face he looked at it again. He knew the red marks on his face would turn black and blue the next days.

'Great. Why did Rosie say anything at all? She promised not to' he thought a little annoyed. 'They heard her on the phone. Huh. Why would she tell anyone on the…'

He suddenly looked up as if he'd remembered something.

"She called him" he said aloud. "No, no, no. This is impossible. Why would she call him? Unless…"

He quickly moved from the bathroom to the living-room. The papers on his table were still there and he looked through them as though he feared something might be lost. No, there was no hint of any paper he might've forgotten there. How on earth did she found Max's number? It wasn't there and he was certain he didn't tell her anything like that. Could this be?

He nodded. Yes, this was quite possible. Why else would Max have appeared here after three years, in which he obviously didn't care at all where Leo went. More importantly, why would he care now? True, Leo left, but nonetheless he's had a reason. And now he really had the cheek to appear here and bring his life totally out of balance. Was this Rosie's fault?

Leo sighed. No, it wasn't. Actually the only one who had to be blamed was himself. Why did he tell her after all, when secretly he knew something like this would happen. It always happened when he trusted someone. He wanted to abandon this; he vowed to himself long time ago and failed again. It wasn't Rosie, it wasn't even Max. No, it was him. What now? Should he talk to him or at least listen to what he had to say or stick to hiding in some place without any friends ever again?

One look outside the window and everything seemed clear to him.

No! Not for all friendships in the world would he let his past reach him again. This chapter was over and did he miss it? No, not really. He had to admit, he was kind of happy here in this little flat, with people around him who didn't know who he was or at least gave a damn about it. When he started to get to know Rosie better, he even felt a certain sympathy for her, in an odd way. Maybe this was it. The thing he was born for. He was wrong about Rosie, he knew that now, but maybe everyone needed some mistakes to learn and grow.

Another thought crossed his mind just then. What if he wasn't at all wrong about Rosie. What made her call this man after all? No one really would call someone as famous as Max out of boredom, besides the fact that his number wasn't at all easy to get. Didn't she swear she'd never tell anyone of this? Maybe he did judge her wrong after all. But he couldn't forgive her, bringing the last person he wanted to see in this world back into his life.

Leo was shaken awake from this thought rather hard, when suddenly his doorbell rang. He tip-toed to the door of the living room and stood there, looking in the direction of his front door. No, he didn't really want to see anyone. No matter if this was the guy who brought the mail or some neighbor. He would just pretend not to be at home. After all, he usually was at work now.

It rang again.

"Leo, come on. I know you're in there" he heard a quite familiar voice. Leo closed his eyes and sank his head with a look of pain. Not again. He didn't even wonder where Max got his address from. He definitely judged Rosie wrong. Why wouldn't they all just leave him alone?

He leaned against his wall again, still looking down. Max tried it time after time. He just wouldn't give up. How typical. Well, he wouldn't be Max if he'd give up that easily.

Leo honestly thought about opening the door and listening to him, but as soon as he pictured Max, he saw the empty space next to him in the morning again, as well as he heard the convinced words of Max telling Roger everything or the broken window he had looked at. And he felt exactly the way he did just that moment again. There was no way he could possibly open that door. Even if he really wanted to, he just couldn't.

He put his hands over his ears and sank to the ground. With his eyes slightly opened he felt like starting to cry any moment.

"Please, go away" he desperately whispered more to himself than to anyone else. He put his head on his knees and tried hard not to hear the voice of Max or the doorbell. He tried to just pretend he wasn't there. He felt tears running down his face in desperation. He just didn't know what to do. And he had no one in the world to help him.

* * *

_"Here I stand alone_

_With this weight upon my heart_

_And it will not go away_

_In my head I keep on looking back_

_Right back to the start_

_Wondering what it was that made you change_

_Well, I tried but I had to draw the line_

_And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

_What if I had never let you go_

_Would you be the man I used to know_

_If I'd stayed, if you tried_

_If we could only turn back time_

_But I guess we'll never know" _

Max on the other hand was determined not to give up. After he convinced Rosie to tell him where he lived and, surprisingly she lived next door. He surely wouldn't just walk away without having said what he wanted to.

"Leo, please" he said. "At least listen to me. You don't have to say anything."

Nothing!

He knew he was there. He'd been fast enough to see Leo enter this house, so Rosie definitely must've told the truth. She called him after all and it didn't seem to be easy for her to really reach him. That's what she told him. So, there was no point in a supposed lie.

He knocked on Leo's door once more, but still there was no answer. Max let his arm fall slowly and looked down to the ground.

"For God's sake, just hear me out" he said quietly. "You can hate me afterwards, but you need to know."

So, he leaned his head against the door. What to do now? Staying there until Leo decided to come out again? He must someday, after all. What if those bruises on his head caused something worse than just ugly marks and he collapsed or something and just couldn't move? Max looked worried to the door as though he hoped to see through it if he tried hard enough. But no, surely not! There couldn't be something really wrong with Leo. His Leo! Or at least he hoped so. He still could kick himself for not saying what he needed to say three years ago, before Leo went away. Before five little words made his life crash, until it couldn't be fixed any more. He carried on though, but still there wasn't one day he didn't regret what had happened.

Maybe it was selfish what he did. Okay, he had walked every day through the streets, hoping to see a sign of Leo anywhere. Hoping, but not really searching for him. So, how could he expect him to listen to him now after such a long time? And wasn't the real reason he wanted to do this because he had to ease his conscience? It might seem so, he must admit that. But he felt like owing Leo something. The truth and a proper explanation, if he had nothing else to offer. But how on earth should he realize that, if he didn't even manage to talk to a mousy little cowardly accountant? This schmuck.

Max sighed.

No, he wasn't like that at all. The only one who had been a coward and a silly loser in every inch of his life was himself. He really just began to live since Leo was around. Everything before kind of vanished into darkness and there was no way he could see a path that lead into a future without him. But since Leo clearly had made his decision, he had to accept that and live this empty life again. But he wanted him to know before they parted forever.

"Leo" he whispered and sat down on the stairs.

* * *

"You are were?" Roger screamed to the phone. "You must be kidding me! What in heaven's name are you doing in New Jersey?"

Carmen stopped for a moment as he just entered the pompous living-room with two cups of tea. He listened carefully, since Roger managed it to scream the whole neighborhood awake with this call. It must either be something important or something rather annoying, which in this moment was more likely to be the case. He put the cups on the table in front of them carefully and somehow managed to be as quiet as a mouse.

"Max, you can't stay there when the preview is only two weeks away" he said, now a little calmer.

"Max?" Carmen mouthed and Roger just nodded in his direction, while still listening to Max on the phone.

The slender man loved this look on his face. He was concentrated and tried to get every word, secretly remembering every single one of them, he knew. Mostly, Roger would stare slightly to the ceiling while doing this and started to bite his lips softly. It was funny, since he never noticed this. Carmen once tried to tell him how cute he looked, but actually never got more as an answer than "I do this?"

Roger didn't notice, but that was okay with Carmen as well. So, he had the chance to discover more and more small, sweet details about him he kept within.

"Leo's there?" Roger sounded surprised. "Oh well, then I guess I could spare you for around three more days, but I insist you come back then. What?... Oh, I do have the right to tell you where to go or not, since we're in production! No, I don't see this to be exaggerated!"

Carmen looked up from his tea a little surprised. Max? He'd been gone two days ago without leaving a note or anything. He remembered Roger stamping around furiously and getting even more nervous than he usually was. And what's that talking about Leo? Leo had been gone three year ago. It didn't seem as though he'd come back by any chance. New Jersey?

"Okay then. A week!" Roger finally said and hung up.

"Well?" Carmen stared at him.

"He's in Jersey" Roger said, looking puzzled.

"What's he doing there? I heard something about Leo. Our Leo?"

Roger nodded. "He's there."

Carmen's eyes widened. "What's he doing there?"

"I dunno. I don't even know why he's there all of a sudden. He's had no clue where Leo could be nor did he seriously try to find him" Roger shrugged and took a swallow of tea.

Carmen deliberated as well. Such a sudden action wasn't exactly typical for Max and for one thing Roger was absolutely right. He didn't seem to care a lot when Leo went away. He continued working without ever mentioning him again.

"Do you think he just wanted to see him again?" Carmen asked.

"Possible" Roger answered without looking up. "He was kinda different after Leo left."

"Was he?" Carmen didn't notice much, except for bad moods now and then and the fact he was quieter than before, but this didn't mean anything, did it?

"You should've seen his face when Leo went. He was sort of shocked, just as though he didn't even mean a word he said before, but he never admitted anything. I asked him shortly afterwards if he really told me the truth or just didn't want me to know. He didn't answer until now, just so you know."

"Want you to know? What?" Carmen asked.

"I think he loves him" Roger answered, leaned back and closed his eyes.

Carmen gave him a shocked look. Then he slowly shook his head while not taking his eyes off of Roger.

"No way! I mean, come on! Max being gay? He's the straightest person I've ever met in my life" he said totally convinced of his own words.

But Roger silently shook his head. "I think it's exactly that. And since no one suspects this, he tries to keep it a secret. I guess he didn't even tell Leo and now he feels the urge to tell him before he never gets a chance again."

Carmen sat on the ground upright. This was way too exciting. If it really was the way Roger said, there must be a chance Leo might think so as well. Why else did he run away? He must've felt hurt a great deal after overhearing the things Max said to Roger that morning. He didn't know the details, just what Roger had been able to tell him, but all of this would make more sense than this 'pretending-nothing-happened' shit Max performed for years now.

"So, what now?" Carmen asked after a while.

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean, does he need help or why did he call here?"

Roger grinned. "I think it's more my unbelievable personality that made him shiver in fear he thought about when not showing up here in two days."

Carmen gave a loud laugh. "You think a lot more of you than anyone else I guess." His little provoking smiles from the corner of his mouth always made Roger jump, no matter how often he told himself to ignore them. That's all Carmen wanted to achieve with them after all.

"Funny, I thought you'd think the same of me" he answered and pouted his mouth.

Carmen smiled, stood up and moved over to him. He swung his arms around him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "'Course I do."

"Well then, let's hope the two of them find their peace after that, even though it might not be our way" Roger said.

* * *

_"All day long I can hear people talking out loud  
But when you hold me near  
You drown out the crowd  
Try as they may, they can never defy  
What's been said between your heart and mine_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_  
_There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me_  
_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall_  
_You say it best, when you say nothing at all"_

"Is this going on forever?" Rosie asked a little annoyed. Leo just took a bunch of dishes and walked past her without the slightest notion he even noticed her.

"Leo, I told you I am sorry. I couldn't suppose they stood behind me and listened to ever word I said" She followed him, gesturing wildly. Leo just put down the dishes and again walked another way without noticing she even was behind him.

"Nargh, Come on! There's no way in solving this when you keep ignoring me" Rosie just wouldn't let go of this topic. She wanted Leo to talk to her again and she surely wouldn't give up as easily as Max. No way!

But all she earned was a sinister look from Leo as he passed her again. She bit her lips. Okay, this was enough.

"Listen, I am really sorry, I know I shouldn't have talked to anyone about what you've told me, but this was important. I…"

Leo rushed around: "Why did you call him, Rosie?" His voice was strong and anger laid in it.

"What?" Rosie stood speechless in the middle of the kitchen, not taking her surprised eyes off him.

"I know it was you who called him here. Why?" Leo said shortly.

"How did you…?"

"It doesn't matter how I found out. How could you do this after you promised me not to tell anyone. I expected you to believe me and what's the first thing you did? Calling him; the one I didn't want to see at all" Leo held himself back a great deal. He didn't want to yell. That would show he still cared too much about this and this'd make Rosie and Max win.

"Well?"

Rosie quickly shook her head as if she just remembered she had to answer.

"I am sorry" she said. "I thought it might help you in any way just to talk to him or at least listen to him. He seemed very grateful when he heard you're here."

"Wow" Leo answered sarcastically. "He didn't seem to care the years before now, did he? What made you think this'll help in any way?"

Rosie's mood sank immediately. She took a deep breath and shouted: "Well then, Leopold Bloom, live with it! But keep in mind that you will never be able to live the life you want when you not give this a rest!"

"I certainly will after some time without any silly girl sticking her nose into my business!" he suddenly shouted back.

"Fine" Rosie was outraged. "Well, then you won't have this problem any more in no time!"

"Fine!"

Then, she walked away without saying another word to him. Leo angrily looked after her for a few seconds and returned to work.

The evening was rainy and the night fell way too quick. Leo had just arrived back home and dried his hair after he had to walk home in pouring rain, when suddenly his doorbell rang again.

"No" he rolled his eyes. "Why doesn't he give up?"

He was about to decide to ignore it another time, when he heard a familiar voice calling for him.

"Leo, open the door, please. It's me!"

He leaned back just to look surprised out of his bathroom door.

"Carmen?"

He hurried to the door and unlocked it. It really was Carmen who stood there in front of him. Damn, did this girl call the whole neighborhood?

"What are you doing here?" he asked gloomily. "I don't wanna talk to you or anybody else!"

He was just about to close his door again, when Carmen held him back.

"I didn't do anything that hurt you, remember that. There's no use in cutting me out."

Leo thought for a moment, then opened the door a bit more and stepped aside to let the other man come in.

Carmen looked around while standing absolutely still in the hallway.

"Hmm… Pretty different how you live here" he said.

Leo was rather annoyed by his presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again.

"Looking how you are" Carmen smiled.

"Aren't you supposed to be in some theater or something?" Leo said, turned and walked into his living room, while Carmen followed him.

"I actually had to do some meetings today. Gotta do your job now more often. So, I thought I'd surprise you with a visit."

"Yippee" Leo answered unmotivated. "And now the real reason!"

Carmen sighed and fell into Leo's arm-chair.

"Well, fact is no one knows I'm here."

"How did you find here anyway?"

"Wasn't easy, I assure you" he grinned again. "Luckily, Max stays in some hotel and the hotelier couldn't shut up, so it was in one of the Gossip-magazines. All I had to do is to go there and then ask my way around in case anyone knew you by any chance."

Leo watched him, but didn't say a word. The smile suddenly vanished from Carmen's face as he discovered he couldn't really get through to Leo.

"Well, forget about that. What about you? You don't look too good, if I'm allowed to say that" he said more serious. "How's life?"

"As if you would care" Leo answered without really looking up.

"Hey, I didn't know where you went as well as no one else knew. Also, there was no sign you were here or in any other state, country or even still alive."

Leo sighed and looked down, while shaking his head slightly.

"Look, I guess it's better no one of you ever appears here again" he said quietly. "And I really mean no one. So, you can convince Max to give up and move on. I don't wanna see any of you or even talk to any of you again:"

Carmen let him finish his sentences and added: "Well, Roger and I don't have much to do with the fight between the two of you."

Leo stood up and moaned. He put his hands on his face and walked two or three steps.

"Don't you see, this is exactly what I mean."

"I'm not following" Carmen said while watching up to him.

"Just this….." he sighed again. "Forget it!"

"No, come on" Carmen said eagerly. "Tell me what you wanted to."

"It's just this here. I am again talking about you and Roger and …and Max even though I don't want to. This all is behind me and I don't want to start it anew."

Carmen smiled again. "But don't you see that you can't run away? Obviously there's a subconscious reason you didn't move to the last corner of the world, but here."

"A what?"

"Yes, it's exactly that isn't it?" Carmen smiled now even more. "You can't forget even though you try. Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but I guess you do want to talk about it, either to forget or to clear things up."  
Leo shook his head. "I guess it's better you go now."

"No, no! I'm right, I can see that" the smaller man answered. He stood up and put his hands on Leo's shoulders. "Don't you notice why you'd had to run away after all?"

Leo was petrified. He felt as though his whole body was shaking and felt as though he would either start to scream any minute or to cry hysterically.

"I think, the reason you felt hurt that much and you only saw this solution is that you care even more for this man than you thought" Carmen continued and looked him straight in the eyes.

Leo shook his head, though he couldn't escape Carmen's grip. "No!"

That was only a whisper and he couldn't say any more about that.

"I know he does" Carmen said and let go.

"He doesn't care about anything" Leo said, supporting himself on the arm-chair and looking down with wide eyes.

"Hmm, did you coincidentally read the plot of the musical we produce right now?" Carmen grinned again. That grin. How he hated it. He'd hated it years ago and hated it now. He wished he could stop him from grinning, but nothing he would say could possibly cause such a miracle. So, he shook his head again.

"You should" Carmen said and threw a magazine on his table. Then, he turned and silently left the flat. Leo only dared to move when he heard the front-door closing silently.

He turned his head a little, scarcely seeing anything since he couldn't hold back his tears now and looked at the cover.

**"_A new Hit-Musical: the plot and the interviews"_**

He grabbed it and slowly opened the transferred sites. What was this? This guy always laid his paths but this time he even managed Leo to fight against his own will and actually did a deeper step into his past.

_**"The Plot:**_

_**After being partners for along time, the two friends Jess and Ben discover a certain sympathy for each other that goes much deeper than just friendship. After one moment of unity one of them commits a mistake; takes one wrong step and their lives change forever as Jess leaves her home and everyone she knew forever. Now, all Ben can think about is to get her back and tell her how he really feels…THINK TWICE!**_

_**In Act One…"**_

Leo couldn't read any more. He felt his face getting hot and his tears falling. He couldn't stop it. Was this reality? Was Carmen right about Max? About himself? He thought about that. Funnily, Carmen as well as Roger, had always been right. Was that why Max didn't give up? Or was this just a joke? Yet, these similarities were more than certain. Maybe he chose this to explain himself even though he hadn't had any clue where Leo was. Did he really judge this wrong all the time?

Leo raised one hand to cover his mouth. He thought another moment.

Max!

He had no choice now. He wanted to know; there was no turning back.

He hurried out of the door, over the hallway and knocked on Rosie's door.

"Rosie!" he yelled. "Rosie, open please! Rosie!"

No answer.

"Rosie, I know I've been mean to you, I am sorry! Please, open the door!"

He simply had to know if she'd told Max to go now or not. She must be at home by now. Why didn't she…? He suddenly felt silent.

With his arm still in the air, Leo moved backwards a few steps. His eyes widened in shock. The last words of Rosie after their fight rang through his mind:

"…_you won't have this problem any more in no time!"_

No, she couldn't! She wouldn't even be able to…!

All of a sudden, he seemed to remember his feet were made for walking and rushed into his flat again, flung his coat around him and jumped down the stairs. Arrived at the street, he looked to the left and then to the right. Carmen couldn't be too far. He run down the street. There he was.

"Carmen!" he yelled.

Carmen, walking slowly, moved around a little surprised to see Leo behind him.

"What is it?" he asked and put his hand on the bowed Leo, who tried to catch some breath.

"Call the police!"

_"It starts with one thing  
I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind  
I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time  
All I know  
Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know  
Wasted it all just to watch you go  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when_

_I tried so hard_  
_And got so far_  
_But in the end_  
_It doesn't even matter_  
_I had to fall_  
_To lose it all_  
_But in the end_  
_It doesn't even matter"_

* * *

_~To be continued~_


	6. Listening

_„How can I just let you walk away,  
just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh  
You're the only one who really knew me at all_

_How can you just walk away from me,  
when all I can do is watch you leave  
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain,  
and even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all"_

"I havn' the slightest idea where she could be" Joe answered a little annoyed. He looked over a huge amount of plates and glimpsed darkly at Leo. "Didn't I tell you to do something with your face? You can't work in a restaurant, lookin' like that, eh!"

Leo moaned. "Listen, I really don't have time for this now. Did she say something?"

The huge guy shook his head. "Nope" he turned and set aside the fragile cargo he was bearing. "She jus' stormed outta here furiously this afternoon. Kinda took your fight really seriously."

"You know about that?" Leo seemed surprised. He didn't think she would really react to that and now she wasn't here any more and didn't leave any clue where to find her.

"Don' ya think I've heard the both of ya yelling in there?" he nodded towards the kitchen.

Leo raised one eyebrow and turned around then. "Well, thanks then."

Damn it!

She must be somewhere. She couldn't just have vanished without a trace, for he knew perfectly well she hadn't anyone here. She came to Jersey five or six years ago after some fight she had with her family. She told him.

"Bloom?" he heard his mighty voice behind him and turned halfway around. "There's a place she often goes to when she's depressed. Maybe you'll check this."

"Where's that?" the smaller man tried to stay calm, even though he was enraged on the inside.

"There's an old building of some fishing business in the havens…It's rather huge and painted red. It was one of some uncle of hers or whatnot. She goes there often. I live nearby and have seen her in there."

Leo felt like he could kiss his boss any minute. So, he flung his arms around him shortly, whispered a 'Thank you!' and rushed outside again, leaving nothing but a perplexed Joe.

"Well?" Carmen stood outside the place Leo worked in and looked at him as though he'd expected Leo had found the holy grail I there.

"The havens" he said out of breath. "They're there for sure…some red building."

"How do you know both of them are there?" Carmen asked without wasting any more thoughts about what Leo just told him.

"I can't explain now, trust me! They are there" Leo answered.

* * *

They wandered along the streets, faster than Leo thought. It seemed like an eternity to him; just as if they never reached any point. It was like searching for something they knew for sure didn't exist. Halfway, Carmen turned into another road. He seemed to trust Leo on what he said and was about to call the police about whatever he might thought was going on in the havens.

'I'm doing it again' Leo thought while walking fast without really running, so he wouldn't miss a single detail on his way. 'I'm working with someone I was sure I'd never see again, just to help someone I never wanted to see again. Crazy world, this is!'

He crossed several streets without really noticing the passengers or the growing dusk, bringing autumn mist and the cold Air of the sea. He knew where Joe lived, so he was determined to search the area around his building. If he'd seen Rosie there often, the fishery must have been there somewhere, right?

This whole idea was easy while thinking about it, but actually hard to accomplish, since there were tons of old fisheries and rotten buildings. When Leo arrived there breathless, he didn't know where to turn first.

'This can't be true' he kept thinking. 'Why the hell am I doing this?' His steps slowed down and he stared at the ground. Was this right? Did he misunderstand Rosie's earlier comment and simply made a fuss out of nothing or did he really ought to worry? Why did he desperately try to find this man, when he was fleeing from him for so long? Why did he doubt his behavior now, when secretly he knew this was the right thing to do; yet for years somehow hoped to hear from Max again?

He sighed.

Yeah, he had to admit it. He didn't move far, because of not knowing where to go, but simply because he still had a spark of hope left to be found and to be brought back to his senses.

'I was a fool to vanish like that' he thought, leaning on a wall nearby. 'What was that about anyway?'

"What did I want to prove? That I can do alone without needing someone?" he now said to himself without really noticing he did.

"Well, maybe to find out what you wanted to know" said a voice behind him.

Leo whirled around. He didn't even hear any soul coming close and felt caught somehow.

Rosie.

There she stood, in the door of a huge red warehouse, her arms crossed and with a sinister look on her slender face. She was facing Leo directly, without saying any more.

Leo couldn't breathe. She knew he would come here. He was certain. But how?

When he opened his mouth to say something, she simply nodded and made a gesture towards him, meaning he should come in. He closed his mouth again slowly. This was wrong. He never noticed how good his feelings for what's wrong and right could be, but as he moved forward to do as she wanted, he felt the cold air. A slight wind blew around the many houses down there and the lamps of the city reflected in the distant sea. If there really was a time to run and leave everything behind him, then it was this.

He stopped shortly before the entrance. 'I can't do this' he kept thinking.

"What are you waiting for?" Rosie asked as calmly as could be. She gave him a rather childish look; the one a child casts when asking his mother for some candy.

Leo shook his head slightly, but didn't take off his eyes of Rosie.

"What is it that you want? Why are you doing this?" he asked in a whisper.

Rosie smiled suddenly and all the childish looks had vanished from her face. She looked more grown, more sharp than usual and didn't even try to hide a satanic grin.

"Leo" she said in the instructive tone of an elementary school – teacher. "I didn't do anything."

She closed her eyes for a moment as if she thought about something important. But within seconds she opened them again, facing Leo with a look as sinister as a night without street-lamps.

"You did all this."

Leo felt this strange feeling inside of him. It was like someone hit him with something really heavy on the back. His knees went weak when he saw this and he had the impression not to have the strength to stand steady any more. The reflecting light of a street-lamp nearby was there in a silvery object Rosie hold and which pointed exactly in his direction.

Leo just stood there. He couldn't think nor breathe nor was he able to convince himself to move on.

"Go on" she said. As Leo still didn't move, but kept staring at the gun she held in front of herself, she added: "I'm not afraid to pull the trigger, believe me!"

Finally, his mind was stronger as to argue with her now, so he moved inside the warehouse. It was dark in there, except one tiny lamp shining in the middle of the huge room they were in.

A loud crash sounded behind him and he knew Rosie had closed the doors and locked them carefully. This was like a bad dream.

He dared to breathe in again. He felt all heavy all of a sudden and started to feel the hard floor beneath him.

"Leo?"

His eyes weren't quite used to the darkness so he had to make out the direction of the voice.

"Max?" he said. "You're alright?"

"Yeah" he said. "What are you doing here?"

Leo stood there rather thunderstruck. What was she playing here? He saw the silhouette of Max in front of him, till his eyes finally got used to the darkness.

"What? What are you doing here if she didn't do anything to you?"

"What are talking about?" Max asked and sounded surprised. "She called me and asked me to meet with her here, I don't know why. She just went out to get something she said."

Leo had to digest this for a moment. He did expect everything, but not an answer like that. Then he quickly shook his head to remind himself he was awake.

"No, we ought to get out of here" he added quickly. "She is crazy…"

"What are you talking about?" the older man asked and looked at him as though he doubted his sanity.

"She's gonna do something to you. We gotta get out" Leo said again, touching his arm as though he believed he could make him understand. Yet, he had no idea how to get out or even get past Rosie.

"Leo" Max said, now a little louder to make him listen. "Leo, relax. What's gotten into you? Everything's okay."

Leo turned his head and looked straight into Max's eyes. Why didn't he believe him?

"You know, he's right" he heard Rosie behind them. Both men turned around to find Rosie pointing this gun at them. Leo automatically let go of Max. He seemed to be in shock as well, since both of them kept staring at the silvery object in Rosie's hands in disbelief. Leo looked as though he would start to cry every second. His breath became faster and he knew he would panic soon.

"What is this about?"

Leo looked over to Max. He smiled again and spoke in his normal casual voice as though he thought this was a huge joke.

Rosie grinned again. "Just what he said" she answered.

Max's look changed back to serious again. He looked from Leo to Rosie as though expecting an answer.

"What exactly do you want?" Leo asked, sounding surprised he'd found his voice, although he sounded hoarse and in panic.

Rosie laughed. It was a laugh Leo would never forget his whole life. He can't remember he'd ever heard a more scary laughter than this, although she used her light female voice.

"I'm gonna prove to you what you know already" she answered looking at him. "That it is senseless to wait for a true answer from this guy as long as you live." She nodded towards Max.

_"So take a look at me now,  
'cos there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me,  
just the memory of your face  
Take a look at me now,  
'cos there's just an empty space  
And you coming back to me  
is against all odds and that's what I've got to face"_

"Prove what?" he asked but only a whisper was what came out of his mouth. He never feared someone as much as now. In his mind ran pictures of what might happened when he said something wrong.

"What kind of game is this?" he heard Max next to him. It was like someone shook him awake. Leo turned his head slightly in his direction.

Rosie still stood in front of them and turned her eyes to Max. She lifted her hand and pointed her gun towards him now. Max stepped back a few inches.

"Hm" she said without changing her sinister look. "Why don't you start? This is your chance to tell him what you wanted to."

Max couldn't take his eyes off her. He looked shocked. 'That's the face he did when I left' Leo thought watching him from aside.

"Why do you wanna force him to this?" Leo asked now. "It doesn't matter to you at all."

"Oh yes, it does" Rosie cut his protest with her own words. "I want you to realize you're making a mistake waiting for him. That's not gonna happen Leo!"

What was she talking about?

"I don't wait for…"

"Don't try to kid me" she screamed, but didn't take her eyes off Max. "You kept waiting for this, even though you deny it. You didn't move to any place far away because of that and as much as you may try you can't forget!"

She looked at him from the corner of her eyes now, stretching her arms away from her own body to point more precisely at Max.

"I will show you how easy it is to forget" she grinned. "That what you told me was enough evidence for you to carry on."

Leo felt anger rising inside of him. His hands turned to fists and started to shiver. He never should have told her. What did he think? Did he expect this would ease everything when he talked to someone? After all, it caused all this. He should have stuck to his constant silence. That's what always happened when he trusted people.

"What do you know about that?" he yelled now. "What makes you think you know what I really thought? You don't know why I acted that way!"

"Oh really?" she answered nearly as loud as him now. "Don't you still think this is going to change? Didn't you expect he'd find you someday and everything clears up? I've seen your face when he walked in. You can't hide this. But you see, the truth is…"

She moved closer to Leo now, whispering to him: "He didn't even know where you were. He didn't care. Face it Leo. He said so himself: He doesn't love you!"  
"I know" Leo said quietly. Then he looked up to Max. "But he's here now and I was stupid enough not to listen to him when I got the chance."

Max looked at him now, too. He didn't seem to believe what Leo just said. "You…You want to listen now?"

Leo nodded.

Again, Rosie laughed. It was the same scary laugh Leo and Max heard moments ago.

"Oh, this is just perfect" she said, looking from one to another. "A romantic little talk with everyone saying how sorry he is and a clichéd Happy End. Is that what you want Leo? Well, go on then!" She held her hands upright again, minding not to take the missile off Max.

"Tell him what you wanted to say!"

Leo looked at him now expecting him to start as well, though fear was written all over his face still.

Max's face wasn't less frightful. He slightly shook his head and closed his eyes.

"I can't…I... She's right!" he said.

Now, Leo was the one who shook his head.

"You came here to tell me this?" he asked quietly. This couldn't be true. This was it? He was right all the time.

"I didn't really search for you, that's true. But it's wrong to say I didn't care" Max interrupted.

"You said so yourself, just seconds ago" Leo answered with tears in his eyes.

"Leo, I couldn't come after you" he desperately added. "I couldn't for I didn't know how to apologize for what I've done to you. How on earth should I tell you what happened that day? What do you think I should have said to you? Everything would've sounded unbelievable."

Leo still stared at him, forgetting about the rusty old building they were standing in, the dashing cold in this place and the girl who held a gun at Max, threatening him. He just felt himself, the pain within and heard Max's voice as though he'd stand miles away from him.

Max sighed and put his head in his hands.

"I really hoped you'd come back, but after about a month I knew this wasn't gonna happen. It was then I realized what I had done. I am really sorry and I know I can't do anything more to change that than apologize" he said.

Leo was silent. He remained like that for what seemed an eternity. The silence took only his breath across the room; heavy and nearly as though he tried to stop breathing.

"I really thought…"he started again. "I really though I was wrong. I thought all this time I made the mistake. That I simply misunderstood you and you had all right to be angry with me."

He noticed his tears rolling down his cold face.

"But again you proved me wrong."

"No" Max said, looking up to him again. Seeing Leo like this was the one thing in the world he knew would make him weak. This was the moment he feared for three years. To see a desperate Leo not believing a thing he said, although he was certain he deserved disbelief.

"You see, I would've told you that day. You went away without saying anything. I still don't know why I didn't follow you in an instance. Why I waited so long, I don't know either. Hell, I don't even know why I told Roger….you know."

"See what I mean?" Rosie said, stepping forward. Leo jerked when her voice appeared again.

"Leo, open your eyes. This man is the reason for all your suffering. For everything you had to give up. He doesn't love you."

True. He had to give up everything he'd ever dreamed of. But wasn't Max the one who made this come true for him in the first place? He wouldn't have dared to change his life if he'd never met him. And hadn't he been the one, accepting the fact that Max had kissed him in his office without fighting against it?

He saw Max shaking his head again. "It's not true" he said.

Leo looked up, his eyes widened.

"I know I told Roger so, but it really isn't true." He looked straight into Leo's hazel eyes, without caring about Rosie anymore. Although he stood quite some inches away from him, Leo had the feeling as though he was closer to him as ever before.

"I know that now and I am sorry I couldn't admit this years ago. I guess I was afraid of the reaction of everyone around us. But I give a damn now. Leo, I…I really do love you."

_"I wish I could just make you turn around,  
turn around and see me cry  
There's so much I need to say to you,  
so many reasons why  
You're the only one who really knew me at all"_

"Enough of that" Rosie stepped in again. She seemed to be furious now. She put her finger on the trigger and was determined to finish this.

"This is a lie, don't you see that?" she said coldly. "He's trying to do this with you again."

She looked over her shoulder to Leo. Her look changed from bitter to surprised when she saw Leo's face.

"You…You don't believe him, do you?" she asked. "No! No, I forbid it! This isn't right. No one who ever leaves you will return. People keep saying those things to calm you down. They never mean it."

"Because your family deserted you?" Leo asked, still looking at Max for a moment, then turning slowly to her. Pity and condolence were written in it. Rosie just couldn't stand this disgusting look. No! He wouldn't turn this around. He wouldn't take her into this.

"No" she said, her attention with Max again. "No, this has nothing to do with me. It's him. Don't you see? He doesn't deserve you. Someone as nice and kind as you…" she looked at Leo again. Terrified he noticed tears in her eyes now. Maybe it was the rage she was in now or…

"…You deserve someone who really cares about you. Who will never let you down just like this" she yelled.

"And who's that?" Max asked and stepped forward. He looked angry as well, without any fear of her anymore. "Someone like you?" He nodded towards her while still bearding her. He was only about ten inches away from her, when he stopped. That indeed terrified her. She shrunk a little watching him with wide eyes, as though she feared every movement he might do.

"Can it be" he started again. "Can it be you love him as well? Is this why you're doing this? Jealousy? Or do you just want to prove something to yourself?"

Rosie took a deep breath, then started to cry. She took her hands down and with them, finally, that gun. When she sunk to her knees, Max's look changed to pity. He watched her crying on the floor, then turned to Leo, who still stood petrified behind her. This look was like a good-bye. Neither one of them dared to say anything. Neither one of them really did know what to say.

Then, after what seemed to be hours, Max turned and moved to the door, turning his back on Leo and Rosie.

'This is it' Leo thought, despite the fact that he wasn't really recognizing he thought that. 'He said, what he needed to say. He doesn't even expect me to answer.'

The moment Max reached the door, he suddenly noticed a slight movement of Rosie. She sat on the ground, tears still all over her face, but rose her head and looked madly after Max. When she lifted her right arm again and revealed the gun again, pointing at Max, Leo suddenly understood what she had planned.

"No" he screamed and jumped after Max. As Max turned in surprise, Leo just heard the deafening bang of the bullet, leaving the gun.

"_So this is who I am,  
And this is all I know,  
And I must choose to live,  
For all that I can give,  
The spark that makes the power grow  
And I will stand for my dream if I can,  
Symbol of my faith in who I am,  
But you are my only,  
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,  
I won't let my heart control my head,  
But you are my only  
We don't say goodbye,  
We don't say goodbye,  
And I know what I've got to be_

_Immortality  
I make my journey through eternity  
I keep the memory of you and me inside"_

* * *

It felt like nothing had happened that moment. Leo heard the cars of the road nearby driving into the nowhere of the night and the ripple of the smallish waves of the seashore outside the warehouse. He heard footsteps towards him and voices calling his name. He didn't feel the impact of his body on the cold gobble-stone floor, nor did he feel any pain. Just a warm, cozy feeling flooding his entire body. He saw something red on the floor next to him. Water? No blood. He smiled. Funny, how did this come here? Someone was touching him, lifting his head up. But he couldn't make out who it was. He just felt tired. Endlessly tired. He heard a second bang, but it sounded as though it came far across the city. Then everything went black.

_"Fulfill your destiny,  
Is there within the child,  
My storm will never end,  
My fate is on the wind,  
The king of hearts, the joker's wild,  
But we don't say goodbye,  
We don't say goodbye,  
I'll make them all remember me_

_Cos I have found a dream that must come true,  
Every ounce of me must see it through,  
But you are my only  
I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play,  
Hand over my heart I'll find my way,  
I will make them give to me_

_Immortality  
There is a vision and a fire in me  
I keep the memory of you and me, inside  
we don't say goodbye  
With all my love for you  
And what else we may do  
We don't say, goodbye"_

* * *

_~To be continued~_


	7. Admitting

_„He fills my heart with very special things  
With angels' songs, with wild imaginings  
He fills my soul with so much love  
That anywhere I go, I'm never lonely  
With him along, who could be lonely  
I reach for his hand, it's always there"_

_How long does it last?  
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?  
I have no answers now, but this much I can say  
I'm going to need him till the stars all burn away  
And he'll be there"_

A White ceiling. That was all Leo could make up when he opened his eyes again. Nothing more. He felt dizzy and weak. Thank God, this was just a dream. Or was it? He tried to turn his head to look around, though he saw only woolly objects around him and noticed he was in a light room. This wasn't his home. This wasn't his bed. Where was he?

He heard someone entering the room, closing the door quietly.

'Max?' he thought and tried to move his body a bit, so he could see (or guess) who it was.

"You shouldn't move, Mr. Bloom. Not yet" he heard a horribly unfamiliar voice.

Leo sighed. "Who are you?"

"I am Doctor Langston. You are in the Greenville hospital in Jersey City" the man answered.

"Hospital?" Leo's head ached.

"Yes. You've been wounded in the harbor" he responded.

Leo didn't pay much attention to him. "Why does my body hurt like this?"

"As I said, you've been wounded. A girl fired a gun at you and the bullet just missed your right lung. It's really a miracle you are still alive. This is what's hurting you, but it'll be gone soon. It will only leave a tiny scar on your body" he explained.

"I've been shot?" he asked in a whisper.

He could tell the doctor was nodding slightly. "Rosie Chappell, you know her?"

Leo moaned again and tried to sit up, but was pushed back onto the bed by the taller man.

"You shouldn't stand up now" he said. "It will take a few more days, 'til you can walk properly."

Leo stared at him for a moment, trying to see properly at least.

"Rosie? How do you know about her?" he asked without really noticing his questions.

"She was the girl who shot you, actually. The police wants to know a few things, before she'll get out of here, that includes if you knew her" the doctor answered.

"She's here?" Leo asked surprised.

Again, a nod was the only answer he got.

"Why?"

"Well, the two men who brought you here said, she tried to shoot someone else and coincidentally hit you. She seemed in shock afterwards and pointed her weapon at herself. She missed as well, but hit her head slightly. She's much worse than you are actually."

Leo shook his head. He had his problems to follow him, as he still couldn't get every single word he was saying in a second. It took him quite a while to understand.

"Two men brought me here?" he asked after a while.

"Hmm. I suppose they were friends of you. When the police and the ambulance arrived with this girl and you inside, they were with you."

"Where are they now?"

"Not here actually" the doctor answered. "One of them was here every day since you came in, but not today."

"How long have I been here?" Leo asked turning his head in his direction, finally able to see him sharp.

"Three weeks now."

* * *

_"Somewhere inside is burning  
I don't know why it's hurting  
Hoping for just one sign in your eyes  
That tells me you will be staying  
Where can I go to find you?  
What must I do to feel you?  
I was looking, but too blind to see  
You were there, right by my side_

_Say goodbye, I'll never forget  
Say goodbye, I believe in the day  
Say goodbye, our hearts could beat both together  
'cause we, we'll find a way...one day_

_What can I do, to hold you  
Now that I know, I love you  
Never found that our hearts felt the same  
'til the cold light of day stole our dreams"_

The next day, Leo was able to stand up and walk across the floors in the building. His side was bandaged and every nurse he met on his restless walk told him not to overstate his powers and to lie down again. But he couldn't. He was too restless to lie somewhere quietly.

He just entered the second floor as he walked past one open room. He glimpsed in from the corner of his eyes. He was about to move on, when he realized who was in there.

Rosie.

He stood there in the door, not knowing whether to let her rest or enter.

"Are you a friend of her?" a nurse asked, who suddenly stood next to him. Leo didn't take his eyes off Rosie. Then he nodded.

"Oh, it's nice you visit her then" the nurse smiled. "The poor girl has no one around here. And they keep telling all kinds of nasty stuff about her around here."

"Stuff?" Leo asked, now turning to look at the small woman next to him.

"Yes, they say she tried to shoot someone and shot herself afterwards. Nasty stuff, I don't believe it" she said. "A nice young girl like this. I bet someone couldn't stand her company and did this to her. Maybe a man she loved. It often happens."

Leo's face darkened again, as he turned to Rosie again.

"Oh, but I am babbling and babbling. Please, Sir, you can go in and talk to her" she pointed into the room. "It'd be a nice surprise for her to have someone here."

Leo wanted to shake his head at first, but then did as he was told to. The nurse brought a chair for him and placed it next to Rosie's bed. Then she went out of the room again and closed the door.

Rosie's face indeed didn't look too well. It was bandaged, but a few drops of dried blood was still there on the skin of her face. Leo sat down next to her. Surprisingly he didn't feel any hatred towards her. Maybe it was because he still couldn't believe what everyone was telling him. Or the simple fact, that he couldn't remember.

'Did you really do this?' he thought, while watching her closed eyes in front of him. Maybe there was something true about this. He remembered her trapping him and Max in an old warehouse. She had a gun, he knew that far. He also knew the forced talk between Max and him, but did she really go as far as to shoot at him? He closed his eyes too, as if he could remember better then. Yes, he thought it was possible. She pointed this silver thing at Max and all he knew was he jumped after him. Maybe she really hit him coincidentally. It must've been a coincidence, because she obviously wanted to hit Max.

"You?" he heard a weak voice next to him. Leo opened his eyes again to find Rosie awake, yet weak lying there.

He nodded slightly, but without the slightest sign of sympathy towards her.

"What are you doing here?"

Leo sighed and thought for a moment. He looked around. Besides the medical machines around Rosie's bed, there wasn't anything else. She was alone in there, no flowers or cards or stuff you would expect in a patient's room. Just the pale white walls.

"You look horrible" she said again in a whispering tone.

Leo looked at her again. "Well, thanks to you."

She smiled slightly, but it looked more as though she was in pain really.

"Whaddya want, Leo?" she asked again turning her head away from him.

"I wanna thank you" he said. She certainly didn't expect that. Quickly he felt her eyes upon him again.

"Thank me?" she asked surprised.

Again, he nodded.

"I think I know why you did this" he said. "You wanted to force me to talk to him again to get over all that happened. Sadly, you did it the wrong way."

Now, she nodded. "Well, now you know what you wanted to know. He wouldn't die for you."

Leo looked down and smiled.

"Yes, you were right about that, but you see, there's something I noticed back in the warehouse."

Rosie stared at him. He was smiling. He finally got evidence for what he was looking for, and smiled. Did he understand this properly?

"What's that?" she asked weakly.

Leo looked up to her again, still smiling.

"I would!"

* * *

When he was finally able to leave the hospital a day later, with the instruction to take care of himself,he had to use crutches to walk on for at least three more weeks. Leo didn't really think of going home at first. Instead, he took a cab to Manhattan. When they crossed the borders and he finally saw the huge buildings and the crowded streets again, he felt strange. He knew it was years ago but it felt so much longer since he last walked through here. The afternoon sun lighted the buildings and their windows gave a glitter away, he missed all the time. People seemed busy and hurried towards their places, wherever that was. No one noticed him there; no one knew what had happened or what he was going to do. No one cared. That was the New York he knew.

When they arrived on Broadway, Leo paid the driver and stood there, breathing in deeply. He looked around. Not much had changed. He practically lived next door all the time and never dared to come here again. The posters and adds were more, but everything else seemed to be the same.

He crossed the street and stood in front of the Shubert's; that theater he knew so well.

**'Think twice : opening night tomorrow'**

That's what he read on the signs surrounding the building. Leo smiled. He walked around the building and used the well-known backstage entrance. It was open, of course. There were rehearsals for sure. He stumbled across the stairs and used the door to the rows. When he opened it, he heard Roger's familiar screaming on the stage. This was the last day and Roger surely was nervous. Leo giggled and closed the door as silently as he could. The scenery was there and some actors in their costumes stood on stage, watching Roger's wild explanations rather bored. The rest of the crew sat in the first two rows, most of them not paying attention to Roger's rage. They sipped their coffee or read some newspapers. This was just normal, Leo reminded himself. Everyone looked lazy and he was sure they all knew their parts of by heart for weeks.

He looked around. With Roger on stage, there were only two people left he really needed to find here. Carmen, one of them stood right in front of the stage, but didn't seem to listen to Roger's screaming either, but talking to Max about something and smiled. Max. There he was.

Leo hobbled through the aisles without really losing his smile. This was all so familiar, he almost couldn't believe he abandoned all this.

"For the last time, I want you to…..Mr. Bloom?!" Roger stood on stage and suddenly forgot to scream at the actors. He looked down. Since he stood higher than all the others, he could see Leo coming down from the door above.

Everyone in the theater was turning around. Carmen started to grin immediately and Max looked shocked. He stood there for a while, when Carmen slightly pushed him away from his place. 'Go on' he mouthed as he earned a rather confused look from Max.

Max sighed and walked slowly towards Leo. He felt everyone still watching them. Leo had stopped and still smiled.

"What are you doing here?" Max asked quietly.

"I could leave this morning" Leo answered.

Now Max smiled as well. "You're looking good."

Leo gave a short laugh. "Liar!"

One look and he somehow felt okay again, despite the pain that was still there. Again, it felt much longer than it really lasted. Then, Max turned for a short moment, just to find everyone still staring at the pair of them. He coughed quickly and turned back. To Leo's delight he blushed a little and started to gesture again.

"What do you say about us going outside for a minute?" he asked quietly.

Leo, still smiling, raised his eyebrows and nodded.

It took him quite a while to get out again. Hopping downstairs was fine, but climbing them up with crutches was hard work, really. Max however walked silently behind him, watching every step Leo did carefully, to help him. Just in case.

When they arrived the back-door again, he opened it for Leo, who was out of breath, but never felt better.

"You still got pain?" he asked concerned.

"Hmm" the younger man answered. "A little, but it's nothing. It'll go away soon they told me."

They stood side by side, simply looking at each other. There it was again, that embarrassing silence, Leo couldn't stand. Apparently, Max could neither. He put his hands into his pockets and seemed to search for something. He found rather quickly what he was looking for and a few seconds later he pulled a blue blanket out.

"I guess that's yours" he said, handing it to Leo. He took it, but looked surprised. He didn't even notice he'd lost it.

"Where…"

"You lost it when….when this happened" Max said, nodding at his crutches and looking away shortly afterwards. "I…I washed it, you know. There was…there was blood all over it, but I guess it looks fine again."

Leo looked at it in disbelief and really was shocked. He never thought he could care less about that thing.

"Thought you were kinda lost without it" Max continued and smiled shyly.

"Thanks" he answered absent-minded. He safely put it into the pocket of his coat and looked up again.

"Listen, I…I want to thank you" he said slowly. Now he had the surprising moment on his side.

"What for?" Max asked and Leo noticed this question was meant honest. It was in his voice; in his eyes.

"You know" he shrugged. "I possibly wouldn't be alive anymore if you and Carmen didn't… well, tell him thanks from me too, will you?"

Max shook his head and looked down again. 'He doesn't look me in the eyes' Leo thought and it made him smile again.

"There's nothing to thank me for. If you hadn't jumped in, it would have hit me, actually" he said.

"Then maybe you listen to me this time?" Leo interrupted.

Max stood completely still, as if he didn't know what to do. Then he nodded.

"I wanna apologize for everything. Everything I said to you, the way I acted and the thing with Rosie…"

"It wasn't your…"

"Oh yes, it was!" Leo didn't notice his voice getting a little louder for what he tried to say was hard enough anyway. "If I didn't tell her what had happened…well, she'd never had called you and all this would never had happened. I'm really sorry for that and I hope you can forgive me."

He looked up and saw Max looking him directly in the eyes, although there was much space between them. He smiled. It was a sad smile though; something Leo had never seen on him before.

"I wouldn't have got the chance to talk to you, if it hadn't happened" he said. "So, forget about it." He shrugged and quickly looked away again.

Leo sighed. This was strange. He used to talk to him about nearly everything in a carefree way. This was like talking to a stranger, although it felt way too familiar to be different.

"I know this changed a lot" he finally said.

"Hmm" Max leaned against the wall of the theater. "It's not gonna be the way it was, right?"

Leo noticed the tone in his voice and knew he was right. Sure, he was talking to him again and he was there, next to him in a place he thought he'd never see again, but the days they stood here as friends and merely friends were over. He had to admit, he knew this would happen the moment he decided to come here.

"What will you do now? Going back to Jersey, working in that restaurant?" he heard Max next to him.

He nodded. And this was the truth. He didn't actually ever think about changing that. Not a single moment.

Max smiled again. "You'll keep in touch this time, right?"

"Yes" Leo turned towards him. "You can be sure of that."

The sun was about to vanish and left nothing but red shades on the tops of the skyscrapers, when those two said goodbye again. A handshake and a smile and Leo walked off again. The sky already began to turn bluish-black at its far end, when Leo finally got out of sight.

Max stood on the street a long time, watching after him, even though he probably had taken a cab by now and was heading home.

_"So you're leaving  
In the morning  
On the early train  
But I could say everything's alright  
And I could pretend and say goodbye_

_Got your ticket  
Got your suitcase  
Got your leaving smile  
Oh, I could say that's the way it goes  
And I could pretend and you wont know  
That I was lying_

_Because I cant stop loving you  
No, I cant stop loving you  
No, I wont stop loving you  
Why should I"_

* * *

"You let him go just like that?"

Max didn't even turn to know it was Roger standing next to him now.

"Yes" he answered, still looking down the street. "He said what he needed to and so did I. It's for the best."

Then, he turned, gave Roger a short glance and walked inside the building again.

'What a sad ending for them' Roger thought, before heading after him. 'They really love each other, no doubt.'

_"Because I cant stop loving you  
No, I cant stop loving you  
No, I wont stop loving you  
Why should I even try_  
_Ill always be here by your side_  
_I never wanted to say goodbye_  
_I'm always here if you change, change your mind"_

* * *

It was late when they finally decided the show to be okay. About 1 am Max arrived in his office, closing the door carefully behind him. He hung up his coat and walked over to the windows. It had started to rain outside hours ago and the wet streets made the pavement look like mirrors. The reflection of the street-lamps made the whole street look brighter than it was in reality.

Max was lost in his thoughts. This was going to be that way for a while, he knew that for good. Problem was, he didn't know how to get past it. He tried to focus on what was important for him now. Bringing the play up, getting reviews and living his life as he used to. But it didn't work. Even though there still was enough to do, all he could think about was Leo. They'd stay in touch now, he said so himself. So, why waste another thought about him now?

Max sighed, putting his head on the window-glass.

'Truth is…" he thought. '…there's nothing more important in my God-damn life.'

Since he knew where Leo was and that he was well, he longed to be with him again, even though he knew this would destroy their new start. So, all he could do was suffer secretly and let it be. At least they could have a chance to be friends again. Nothing else mattered! What other road should there be? He already did what he needed so desperately to do. He already told him everything and had the great fortune he believed him. That was more than enough.

Then why couldn't he get away with this? As often as he kept telling himself it was enough, it just wouldn't work.

"What am I gonna do?" he whispered.

Then, a knock on the door brought him back to his mind. He turned and walked to open it. It was Roger for sure or his freaky little assistant, who just remembered something important about tomorrow, which just couldn't wait one more night. Every time, it was the same.

He opened the door rather annoyed, without taking a closer look on his visitor.

"Okay, you're lucky I'm still up, Roger…why can't this wait 'til…." He suddenly stopped dead.

It was Leo standing in front of him, wet to the skin and with the most desperate look he'd ever seen.

He shook his head shortly and was just about to ask what he was doing here, when Leo fell in his arms without a warning; forcing both of them to their knees.

"I can't do this" he cried frantically.

"What?" Max asked surprised, yet not able to find his proper voice.

"I can't" Leo looked up to him. It almost broke Max's heart when he saw tears running down his face.

"This is not right" Leo kept saying desperately. "I can't go on, pretending nothing changed."

Max wiped away a tear of Leo with his thumb as he took his head with both hands.

"What are you doing here?" he asked and felt tears in his eyes as well.

"When I was nearly home, I noticed I couldn't go. Not like that. I turned and came back" Leo cried. "You were right. This changed a lot. And I don't want to go on. I…I can't stand being so close to you and yet so far away."

His voice got hysterical. Max tried to catch every word he said, but shaking his head just as though he didn't understand what the younger man was trying to tell him.

"I should've realized earlier. Or should've said something" Leo said, now with a hoarse voice. "I love you. I already did many years back, but I was too blind to see it."

Max stared at Leo for a moment, his breath getting faster. He swung his arms around him in a bear hug and kept still. Both of them did, actually. Why couldn't they freeze this moment and hold it forever? Leo, still sobbing on his shoulders, here, without Max really expecting it. He never even thought of that.

What now? What was gonna be? This wasn't what they had planned. This wasn't what either one of them expected. They were sure this wasn't even meant to be, still it happened that moment.

"Leo?" Max whispered, opening his eyes slightly without letting go of him.

"Hmm?"

"Stay!"

When he fell asleep in Max's arms than night, he didn't doubt anything anymore. He knew this was a different start, a different path, even a completely different life. But this was exactly what he wanted.

He clung to Max a little more and whispered 'I love you!' until he fell asleep.

Maybe this was the way life was. Unexpected and not at all the way he had planned it.

Maybe, sometimes you'll have to think twice.

* * *

**~ The End ~**


End file.
